Loving 2 Kids

When I was pregnant this second time, Daniel and I were perplexed by the notion that you could love two people as much as we loved our precious firstborn Liam. So we asked a very dear family member of ours if it is really true that you love the second child the same way as you did first.  She shall remain nameless for fear her second child will be offended but what she said made some sense then and makes absolute sense now - "You love them just the same... is every moment exactly as magical?  No. But that's OK."  That, for myself and my husband (who I often speak for, yes) is the absolute truth.  It's not quite as amazing and magical with the second because you have done it before.  Everything that is your second child's first is not YOUR first, as well.  This makes each moment slightly less exhilarating.  The upside?  (and this is a HUGE upside) is that those firsts are not nearly as terrifying.  You worry about a million times less.  You have managed to get the first kid through pretty much anything that you are now trying to the get the second kid through.  You know that babies are resilient and not quite as fragile as you may have thought.  You are clear on your priorities as a parent and you know what you didn't know the first time:  You can do it.  (You'v e done it once, after all).  The pediatrician isn't on speed dial and you know that a crying baby is not always terribly miserable and just might be trying to communicate.  Not every runny nose requires a doctor's visit and diaper rash is not a sign of parental negligence.  You know that they do things on their own time and that if they need help you will be there to help but that, for the most part, they are exploring the world and learning at whatever pace works for them.  Through every stage of Liam's life so far I have worried if he was doing things when he was "supposed to" and whether I was doing enough to see to it that he was on track.  He has yet to miss a single milestone or come up with any major developmental issues or handicaps... so I know that I was worrying for nothing.  I also know now (on my good days, at least) that worrying about the kid isn't going to change anything.  Liam rolled, crawled, pulled up, walked, talked and slept through the night when he was ready.  He did some of those things before his counterparts and others after his counterparts but he has managed to master pretty much everything that a toddler his age should have by now.... and shocker of all shockers... my endless worrying had no effect on the matter.  So when Derek hits a milestone will I be excited?  Of course!  (His first biggie - smiling - was so exciting for Daniel and I that we couldn't stop giggling and smiling ourselves.)  Will I worry myself into a frenzy about when it will happen?  No! (Ok well, Only sometimes!)   So, though, every move Derek makes isn't quite as magical and sublime as it may have been when Liam was 2 months old I am a much more relaxed mama and Derek reaps that benefit.  The love is absolutely 100% the same.  I love them both an insane amount!  I think each of them is the best thing since sliced bread!  Liam is the world's most perfect and wonderful toddler and Derek is the world's most perfect and wonderful newborn.  Liam is the best big brother to ever live and Derek is the sweetest, most special little brother.  They are already different in many ways and I am sure their differences will multiply and become more pronounced as they grow but the beautiful thing about it is that they are both so unbelievably special, gorgeous, sweet and fun to be with.   Daniel and I constantly marvel at the fact that we somehow got the two best baby boys to ever live!  Watching them interact is so wonderful.  Just today Liam sat at the edge of Derek's chair and touched the baby's toes for 5 minutes straight, whispering "gentle..." over and over.  (We have beatened the concept of being gentle with the baby into his head so hard that we think he may think Derek's name is actually "Gentle Gray.")  Liam was so happy to just sit there and touch his brother's feet that I could have cried imagining the fun that they will have and the special bond that will grow with each year.  Watching Liam love his brother makes me love him even more (if that's possible) and knowing that Derek will soon look up to Liam as a role model makes my love for Derek even stronger.   

So, if you're pregnant with a second child and worry about how much you will love them, don't.  Your two babies will be the most special two babies you have ever met and, though you may not take QUITE as many pictures or may not send out a mass e-mail the first time the baby passes gas, you WILL love them both equally.  If every second isn't quite as breathtaking, please don't feel guilty and try and remember that being second child has all kinds of benefits that being first does not!

Only moms...

I have said many times that becoming a parent grants you membership to a crazy,fun and sometimes very bizarre club where poop on your shirt is hardly cause for concern and you and your spouse often eat dinner "in shifts."  The membership dues are free time and sleep which you pay daily and everyone in the club is in for life.  If you are a member of this organization you know that there are some things that only other parents understand. 

I am pretty sure that only moms....

... always try to park near a cart return at the grocery store so that they don't have to lug kids back and forth or leave kids in the car to go return your cart.

... eat soggy Cheerios and wet cheese out of sticky little fingers and smiles about it. You know how much joy  it brings the baby to feed you.  How could you deny them that?

... know that they can only run one or two errands per day and have to plan their life accordingly.  Gone are the days of running from place to place with no plan.

... have poop, vomit or urine on their shirt and forget all about it AND go out in public.

... volunteer happily to run an errand across town during rush hour just to get out of the house, in the car, ALONE.  Traffic almost sounds appealing as it might prolong your alone time with the radio.

... consider it a vacation to go a day without watching a single animated television program.

... have a specific time of day (whatever time that the kids nap) which they look forward to all day and around which they plan their entire daily schedule.  Lunch, dinner, errands, chores, EVERYTHING revolves around this time of day. 

... utter the phrase, "Did you poop?" about a dozen times per day.

... pick another person's nose without a thought.

... can't finish one quick blog post without stopping repeatedly to change a diaper, make a bottle, console a toddler who banged their head and clean up vomit.


There are probably hundreds more BUT it's time to get ready for nap and, in this household NOTHING is more important or more sacred than nap time... so add your own.  I am sure I would get a kick out of what others had to say!