Confessional # 10

Here are some confessionals to make you feel better about yourself today!  ;)

1.  Sometimes, if both boys are quiet and fed, I will put Liam in front of the TV, park Derek in his chair by the bathroom door and get in the shower (even if I don't need one) and just enjoy the peaceful feeling and sound of the warm water. 

2. Last night was the first time in about a week that I have cooked anything.  We were visiting Daniel's parents at the beach and they (as well as Daniel's wonderful aunt and grandmother) cooked for us and then when we got home we were low on groceries so I made Schwan's frozen meals for two nights.  I rather enjoyed it but Daniel requested a "real dinner" last night so I figured I owed him that much after a week straight of no cooking!

3.  Liam now consistently refers to Derek as "Gentle" and I really and truly believe that he thinks that that is his name.  This is cute but also weird. 

4.  Derek had not consistently slept in his crib or cradle (preferring his vibrating chair) until two nights ago.  At over 2 months it was high time.  I will admit this was probably partially him not wanting to sleep in his crib and his parents being slightly lazy because it was soooo much easier to get him to sleep in his chair at first.  BUT he now sleeps in his crib and for 6 - 8 hour stretches so, judge all you want, his sleep habits are pretty darn good! 

5.  I have to erase about 50 % of my status updates before I post them because I realize they are very "braggy" about my kids and I don't want to seem obnoxious.  I am just such a proud mama... it's hard!!!

Loving 2 Kids

When I was pregnant this second time, Daniel and I were perplexed by the notion that you could love two people as much as we loved our precious firstborn Liam. So we asked a very dear family member of ours if it is really true that you love the second child the same way as you did first.  She shall remain nameless for fear her second child will be offended but what she said made some sense then and makes absolute sense now - "You love them just the same... is every moment exactly as magical?  No. But that's OK."  That, for myself and my husband (who I often speak for, yes) is the absolute truth.  It's not quite as amazing and magical with the second because you have done it before.  Everything that is your second child's first is not YOUR first, as well.  This makes each moment slightly less exhilarating.  The upside?  (and this is a HUGE upside) is that those firsts are not nearly as terrifying.  You worry about a million times less.  You have managed to get the first kid through pretty much anything that you are now trying to the get the second kid through.  You know that babies are resilient and not quite as fragile as you may have thought.  You are clear on your priorities as a parent and you know what you didn't know the first time:  You can do it.  (You'v e done it once, after all).  The pediatrician isn't on speed dial and you know that a crying baby is not always terribly miserable and just might be trying to communicate.  Not every runny nose requires a doctor's visit and diaper rash is not a sign of parental negligence.  You know that they do things on their own time and that if they need help you will be there to help but that, for the most part, they are exploring the world and learning at whatever pace works for them.  Through every stage of Liam's life so far I have worried if he was doing things when he was "supposed to" and whether I was doing enough to see to it that he was on track.  He has yet to miss a single milestone or come up with any major developmental issues or handicaps... so I know that I was worrying for nothing.  I also know now (on my good days, at least) that worrying about the kid isn't going to change anything.  Liam rolled, crawled, pulled up, walked, talked and slept through the night when he was ready.  He did some of those things before his counterparts and others after his counterparts but he has managed to master pretty much everything that a toddler his age should have by now.... and shocker of all shockers... my endless worrying had no effect on the matter.  So when Derek hits a milestone will I be excited?  Of course!  (His first biggie - smiling - was so exciting for Daniel and I that we couldn't stop giggling and smiling ourselves.)  Will I worry myself into a frenzy about when it will happen?  No! (Ok well, Only sometimes!)   So, though, every move Derek makes isn't quite as magical and sublime as it may have been when Liam was 2 months old I am a much more relaxed mama and Derek reaps that benefit.  The love is absolutely 100% the same.  I love them both an insane amount!  I think each of them is the best thing since sliced bread!  Liam is the world's most perfect and wonderful toddler and Derek is the world's most perfect and wonderful newborn.  Liam is the best big brother to ever live and Derek is the sweetest, most special little brother.  They are already different in many ways and I am sure their differences will multiply and become more pronounced as they grow but the beautiful thing about it is that they are both so unbelievably special, gorgeous, sweet and fun to be with.   Daniel and I constantly marvel at the fact that we somehow got the two best baby boys to ever live!  Watching them interact is so wonderful.  Just today Liam sat at the edge of Derek's chair and touched the baby's toes for 5 minutes straight, whispering "gentle..." over and over.  (We have beatened the concept of being gentle with the baby into his head so hard that we think he may think Derek's name is actually "Gentle Gray.")  Liam was so happy to just sit there and touch his brother's feet that I could have cried imagining the fun that they will have and the special bond that will grow with each year.  Watching Liam love his brother makes me love him even more (if that's possible) and knowing that Derek will soon look up to Liam as a role model makes my love for Derek even stronger.   

So, if you're pregnant with a second child and worry about how much you will love them, don't.  Your two babies will be the most special two babies you have ever met and, though you may not take QUITE as many pictures or may not send out a mass e-mail the first time the baby passes gas, you WILL love them both equally.  If every second isn't quite as breathtaking, please don't feel guilty and try and remember that being second child has all kinds of benefits that being first does not!

Only moms...

I have said many times that becoming a parent grants you membership to a crazy,fun and sometimes very bizarre club where poop on your shirt is hardly cause for concern and you and your spouse often eat dinner "in shifts."  The membership dues are free time and sleep which you pay daily and everyone in the club is in for life.  If you are a member of this organization you know that there are some things that only other parents understand. 

I am pretty sure that only moms....

... always try to park near a cart return at the grocery store so that they don't have to lug kids back and forth or leave kids in the car to go return your cart.

... eat soggy Cheerios and wet cheese out of sticky little fingers and smiles about it. You know how much joy  it brings the baby to feed you.  How could you deny them that?

... know that they can only run one or two errands per day and have to plan their life accordingly.  Gone are the days of running from place to place with no plan.

... have poop, vomit or urine on their shirt and forget all about it AND go out in public.

... volunteer happily to run an errand across town during rush hour just to get out of the house, in the car, ALONE.  Traffic almost sounds appealing as it might prolong your alone time with the radio.

... consider it a vacation to go a day without watching a single animated television program.

... have a specific time of day (whatever time that the kids nap) which they look forward to all day and around which they plan their entire daily schedule.  Lunch, dinner, errands, chores, EVERYTHING revolves around this time of day. 

... utter the phrase, "Did you poop?" about a dozen times per day.

... pick another person's nose without a thought.

... can't finish one quick blog post without stopping repeatedly to change a diaper, make a bottle, console a toddler who banged their head and clean up vomit.


There are probably hundreds more BUT it's time to get ready for nap and, in this household NOTHING is more important or more sacred than nap time... so add your own.  I am sure I would get a kick out of what others had to say!

Confessional # 9: Derek's Here!

Derek is here and life is CRAZY!  I apologize for the lengthy time lapse between posts but I won't promise that that will change very soon.  I am being kept busy with these two baby boys!  But, at the moment, Liam is eating the remainder of his dinner in his high chair and I (should) have about 30 minutes until Derek's next feeding so, quickly!, some confessions!

1.  Liam, Derek and I have all been wearing our jammies all day!  As a matter of fact, since Derek has been born I think I have actually put  real clothes on three whole times.  Once for Derek's newborn photos and twice to go grocery shopping.  I have put make up on ONE time - for the photo shoot.  Basically, I am a mess 24/7. 

2.  Liam has started saying a word/make a noise that sounds suspicially like a curse word.  Luckily no one but Daniel and I would ever identify it as anything but a random noise.  I swear I don't think he learned it from us because it's not even one of our favorite curse words!  : )

3. Our dog Mieke eats about a quarter of all of Liam's meals.  He loves to throw her food and eventhough I wish he wouldn't hurl food from his high chair (and I don't like how much she stands at begs at his feet now) it is very cute to watch him feed her and she enjoys  it as well. 

 This was a quickie but, hey!, I managed to get something written.  I can hear Derek over his monitor starting to toss and turn.  Time to get ready for a feeding!

Confessional # 8 - The "Waiting on Derek" Edition

As I wait on this second miraculous boy to join our family, I confess: I am getting a little silly, crazy, irrational and nutty...


1.  I don't know if this qualifies as a confession but, if you know me, you know why this is embarrassing and funny.  After I read online that dancing can bring on labor, Liam and I have had multiple "Dance Derek Out Parties".  The image of my 9 month pregnant self dancing around the living room in my PJ's is hysterical, especially since I can't dance when I am not pregnant.  We made a video but that will be for family only viewing as it is both hilarious and a little bit grotesque.  It's been a lot of fun even if it doesn't help get Derek out.  (Silly)

2.  My current worst fear is that I will go into labor suddenly in the middle of the night, my sister in law will have to rush over to sit with Liam and the house will be messy.  Thus, every night before bed I straighten everything up.  I don't want to leave dishes in the sink and I feel the need to sweep.  This is ridiculous because she would not care at all and I know I, personally, would have much bigger fish to fry but I still feel the need to do it every night.  (Crazy)

3.  I find myself almost crying every day at least once imagining being in the hospital with Derek and being away from Liam for a few days.  I literally can't stand the thought.  He is the most easy, adjustable, flexible kid and he will be in great hands, of course, but I just find myself emotionally overcome thinking about him being away from both of his parents for an extended period of time and worry that he will think he has been replaced by Derek.  : (  (Irrational)

4.  I was induced with Liam and never went into labor on my own so I keep worrying that I won't know that I am in labor and I Google the signs of labor over and over.  I know everyone says "You'll know.." but my personality is such that I want someone to explain to me EXACTLY what will happen in what order so I can know within, say, 5 minutes of labor beginning that I am, indeed, in labor.  I can't stand the not knowing.  (Nutty)

What Makes a Good Mom?

Can anyone really answer this question?  I have pondered this question ever since Daniel and I started considering having kids.  What do good moms do?  What don't they do?  How does one become a good mom?  Are there really bad moms?  If so, what makes them bad?   After pondering and pondering, watching the moms around me, questioning myself, reading books, trying to be self-aware about my own mothering skills, I have come to the conclusion that there is no singular factor that makes you a good mom and the only people who are bad moms, in my opinion, are those that aren't trying (and, in my view, the vast majority of moms are trying).  So what I have decided is this - I need to take stock of the great moms and women in my life and see if I can take a little bit of each of them to try and be the best mom I can be.  Not a one of them is perfect and I am sure I wouldn't do EVERYTHING any of them did or do with their kids BUT I admire them and I want to learn from them.  This is by no means a list of all of the great moms I know.  This is just a list of the ones that i am closest to and the ones who have served as role models for me in some way.

My maternal grandmother, Ginger, is nurturing and giving of her time.  She has always lived far from me and she used to send me tapes of herself reading me books so I could listen to her as I read along to my Ramona books. She used to sew my Halloween costumes and mail them to me. She makes beautiful blankets, clothes and other handmade things for my sons just as she did for me.      She taught me that it's the little things, the gestures of love, the time taken, that children remember and that matter in the long run. 

The biggest lesson that I learned from my paternal grandmother, Pat, was that your children are always your children; always your babies.  You should love them as such their entire lives.  When my father was dying her love for her son was beautiful.  He was 50 something but to her he was a child, a baby, and as she told stories of him as a child it was clear that she remembered him almost exclusively as a young person.  I learned from her that a mother's role is to always hold her "babies" in her heart.  A person can only really remain a child in the eyes of their mother and father and it is important to have those people who will always see you as your most innocent and pure self.

My mother-in-law, Beverly, has shown me that when you love your children you must love ALL of them.  You must accept them fully.  Daniel is so honest with her and so himself in front of her and she loves him so unconditionally.  Everyone needs a mama who thinks they are great NO MATTER WHAT and Beverly really adores her son immensely.  Daniel is so certain of his mother's love and admiration that he never fakes anything with her.

My Aunt Judy is opinionated and smart.  She tells it as she sees it and she does so with love.  I know she probably drives her kids crazy with this at times but people always know she cares enough to tell you her opinion.   She loves you enough to make you mad.  She is generous in every way and never says things in a mean way.  I have learned from her that you have to love your family enough to tell them things they may not want to hear and that, if you have always shown them love, they may get mad, but they will always know that it comes from the heart.

My Aunt Cindy is funny and supportive and kind.  She will do anything to help the people she loves. She is an absolutely open-hearted kind person full of laughter and great advice.  She is great to talk to and always has something nice to say.  She cooks wonderful food, keeps a gorgeous home, says the kindest and most special things and loves others unconditionally.  I know from watching her with her kids, grandson, nieces and nephews that a mother's/grandmother's/aunt's home should be a soft place to land full of love and laughter.

My sister-in-laws, all 3 so different, have taught me that loving your kids is an art not a science and there is no right way to do it.  They are all so unique but each of them loves their kids in a very special way.  Since I met Daniel I have watched them raise their kids and learned lots from each of them.   I know, from knowing them and their kids, that all we can do is our best, whatever that may be.  The children they have raised, funny and smart and interesting as they all are, have shown me that kids will flourish when loved and nurtured and that it is not always as much the "how" or "what"  in raising your children as the "why."  As long as the "why" is because you love your kids and want what is best for them you are on the right track.

Finally, my mom was attentive to me as a child. She was always aware of me. She always cared what was going on in my life. She always knew my friends and she watched over me closely. What I take from her is that children not only need to be watched and looked after for their safety but so that they know someone cares.  It is important that they know they belong somewhere and with someone.  It is important that they know in a big, scary world there is a small corner which is theirs.  Growing up, I always knew that I was wanted and special.

I really believe that all the moms I know are good... because they are trying.  I really hope that I can take pieces of them all and be a great mom and a great friend (someday) to my sons.  I hope, most of all, that they know that I tried... really hard... For all of the mistakes that I may have made, I want them to be able to look back one day and say, "I know she loved us immensely and I know she busted her butt to be the best that she could be for us."  That way they'll be able to forgive me if I lose my temper with them or make the wrong choice or tell them a lie because, truthfully, those things are going to happen.

Confessional # 7

I have not written a blog post in FOREVER!  I apologize to all of my loyal fans and followers.  (That's a joke in case you couldn't tell.)
I figured we were due up for some confessions so here we go:

1.  I am in a very defeated, mopey, sad little mood today because I went to the O.B. and I am not dilated AT ALL and barely effaced.  I knew I shouldn't let myself get hopeful since I am only 36 and a half weeks and because I never dilated much with Liam... but I did get hopeful.  I didn't think I was having the baby today or anything but I just wanted to hear that I had made progress.  I am so tired of being pregnant and I feel like I am not spending enough "quality" time with Liam because I am too tired and achy to play and do the things I wish I could.  I am just over the whole pregnancy thing.  Sooo - in response to not getting my way - today I am not cleaning or doing housework or completing anything on my to do list and just moping and feeling sorry for myself.  Yes, this is childish,  but I am tired (really tired!) and unmotivated.
 
2.  Today at the doctor there was a toddler about Liam's age walking around and playing and exploring and his pregnant mom was chasing him around the waiting room.  I felt bad that I made Liam sit in his stroller and did not let him get out and play but my back was hurting and I didn't want to deal with the inevitable fit that would have ensued when it was time to get back into his stroller. In short,  apparently the other pregnant mama is a stronger woman than I am.  Oh well.

3.  My mail lady and I have a feud going on.  Can you believe that?  Sounds insane.  But it is true.  She hates me and I hate her.  She hates me so much that she ran over our garbage can last week and left a huge dent in it.  I will not bore with you the details.  It is, for the record, 100 % HER fault.

Sorry, wish I had more, maybe my funky little mood and my exhaustion are making it difficult for me to think.  I don't know.  I read once that you should blog every single day in order to keep in the rhythm and the practice of writing and I think that that is probably very true.  I will try and do a much better job of posting more!