The Truth About The First Few Months of Parenthood, Part 1

I have heard many new moms (a few weeks into parenthood) say, "Why didn't anyone tell me it would be this way? Why does everyone act like it's so magical?" I have seen Facebook posts and had conversations and a lot of people feel a bit tricked in regard to the whole thing.  Those are only the ones who even have the guts to say anything.  A lot more, I am sure, are feeling that way and think they are the only one. So, here's the truth (as I see it) about the first 3 months or so of parenthood.   Now that I have made it past the one year mark I can say with confidence that it DOES get easier but I am going to devote a few posts to the TRUTH about the HUGELY transitional and mildy terrifying time in your life when suddenly someone hands you a tiny newborn PERSON and says, "OK, raise it!"  If you're pregnant, don't be scared, just consider yourself a little bit more prepared.  If you're a new mom I hope you take some solace in knowing that others feel the way you may be feeling.  If your a more "seasoned" (for the record, I do not count myself in this category as I am still more than slightly terrified of messing these boys up) mom this might just make you nod your head a little. 

Truth # 1:  The first month or so after giving birth is a weird transitional period and women feel unattractive and fat.  You are in pain for a while.  Your body still looks pregnant.  Your body is making some funky (and sometimes a little "gross") adjustments while getting used to baby being out of the belly. You can't have sex.  You can't exercise.  Even if you wanted to have sex or exercise you are exhausted and have no energy for physical activity. You probably aren't getting dressed or putting on make-up or even showering.   For all of those reasons, you feel decidedly "unsexy."   Feeling completely "unsexy" for most women is a terribly depressing feeling.  Then, there's the notion that now that your mom you shouldn't even care about being sexy anymore.  Just for the record, it is OK to still want to feel sexy as a mom.  It can be difficult to adjust to the idea that being a mom does not make you any less of a woman... a woman who still likes to shave her legs and wear eyeliner, a woman who still likes to wear attractive clothes. This was a tough one for me and it took me probably about 3 or 4 months after Liam was born to start to feel like an attractive person again.  (Then, of course, when Liam was about 7 months old I found out I was pregnant again.  Now I sometimes wonder if I will ever get to be a "normal" woman ever again.)  This is also very tough for partners because they want to make you feel attractive (I think for most men that is an important aspect of their idea of what makes a "good husband") and they may feel like failures when they can't.  Also, let's be honest you in sweats with your hair in a messy pony tail is an adjustment for them too.  They are going to miss you in cute jeans (or even a DRESS!) and make up. That's natural.  So it's a weird time for both parents and a woman's self-esteem can suffer.  If you're feeling a little frumpy and fat, have faith, it'll get better and, don't worry, you are not alone.

Newborn Liam and I napping... This incredibly unflattering picture is such a wonderful memory.

My little family when Liam was 3 months old... notice the rolliness of the tummy and the extra "chestiness" as well as the cheeks... I still did not really feel like myself and I kind of hated these pictures but I am soooo glad we took them. 

My point is make sure and let people take pictures of you and your baby.  Don't be embarrassed of your body or your unwashed hair or the fact that you are not wearing make up and end up stuck behind the camera because, someday, you will wish you had pictures of you and your tiny one because, despite my best efforts, it has become clear that they don't stay tiny.

I am going to continue to post more "truths" over the next week or so.  I am, by no means, an expert, but I am a person who has been through it and it is NOT my goal to speak for ALL moms.  It is my goal to speak for myself and to, hopefully, let some others out there know that they are not bad people or bad moms for feeling a little less than "magical" every day.

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