So now that I have gone into some intimate detail about myself, allow me to introduce myself in a more general way. (This is a little backward, I know, but I am often a little backward in the way I handle things. Keep reading my blog and I am sure this will become apparent.) My name is Jessica. Some people call me "Jess" and my husband calls me, "Mess" (affectionately). I am a mom, as you know already. My son is almost a year old and I am pregnant with my second son who is due in June. If all goes as planned (no premature labor PLEASE!!!), my boys will be 15 months apart. That is really close together and was not planned. That is not to say we aren't super excited about our second child coming. (But, honestly, who plans to have kids THAT close together?) My first born is named Liam and is gorgeous, happy, funny, social and ALL BOY. My second son is named Derek... and that's all I really know so far. I imagine him often and mostly love to think of he and Liam playing and being best buds. It is possible that they will be nothing alike, I suppose, but in my mommy fantasies they look alike, act alike, dress alike and play together all day. I guess we will see. My husband is named Daniel and is a loud, funny, opinionated and outgoing guy who sometimes embarrasses me in public but who is a fantastic, devoted father and husband with a way of making people love him even when you can tell they really want to hate him. He works really, really hard so that I can stay home, for now, with the kids. He pretty much rocks eventhough I forget that at least once daily and think to myself, "Ahhhhhhhhh! What a JERK!!"
So since the title of this blog post is the "Joys of Mommyhood" I guess I should get to that. (I just want to note that the next post will be entitled, "Mommyhood, Why Me?" so don't barf and run off just yet. I am, if nothing else, very realistic about motherhood. I just thought I would start on a positive note.) So here goes, My top ten list of what makes my motherhood a joy (in no particular order). Some of these apply to all moms and some may only apply to stay at home moms because working moms have their own special set of joys and trials that I won't presume to understand.
1. Every single day, no matter what, as a mother, you accomplish something. Even if "something" is just managing to clothe, feed and bathe your kids. No one can ever say you did nothing. There is a joy in that. There is a real sense of purpose that being a parent provides.
2. Children grow, learn and develop every day. Every mom knows that the greatest joy is watching your child learn to do something new and then to watch them practice and master it. As a former teacher I can really say that there is no greater teacher than a parent and no greater reward for a teacher than to see a child learn. My son's latest accomplishment was pulling up and I waited with bated breath for him to master it. We set up the best circumstances we could for him; we baby proofed in preparation for when he did pull up, we encouraged him and praised him with each "baby step" toward the accomplishment but ultimately he did it when he was ready and knowing that we set him up for success made watching him accomplish his goal so wonderful. I know this is how it will be for the rest of his life and I just can't wait to watch him conquer each challenge with our help and loving support. Heck, I could cry thinking about it!
3. An unexpected joy of motherhood, for me, is the richness and depth that parenthood has added to my marriage. There is nothing sexier than a man who loves his child. My husband is as obsessed with Liam as I am and we bond over talking about him, worrying about him, taking pictures of him and just generally sharing him as a common interest. Plus, WHOA, we CREATED him together. Are you kidding me? That is so cool.
4. I am the most honest person ever about pregnancy and, truth be told, I hate it. I hate being pregnant. I like drinking wine and looking good in a bikini too much to really find pregnancy joyful. I will save my negativity for my next post. I just felt the need to be completely honest. The one real JOY of pregnancy is creating and nurturing a life and feeling that little life move and grow inside of you. As a mom you get a headstart on what I talked about in number two. Men, although supportive, have to wait for that special feeling of really molding a little person. The joy is knowing that from that first day, minute, second that your child was conceived you started playing an incredibly important role.
5. Bragging about your kids is so much fun and is a great benefit of being a mom! I don't care if it's annoying or if my single friends on Facebook delete me, I love my son and I think he is the best baby ever. I mean, sure, People CAN brag too much but I do feel like a special privilege of parenthood is being so proud of your child and being able to shamelessly post pictures and status updates on Facebook or talk people's ears off about their little accomplishments. If you don't like it, then you don't really like ME so I don't care. Being a parent allows you to be someone really awesome's biggest fan.
6. Reliving your childhood is another great parenting perk. Watching old Disney classics or playing games you haven't played since you were a child is fun and brings you back to a time when you were as innocent and pure as your kids are.
7. As a mom, you spend a lot of time really examining yourself, your marriage, your choices and the kind of example you are setting for your kids. This can be a real pain in the butt and you can absolutely overthink it BUT becoming a mom (or dad) is an intense learning experience. It can be terrifying and enlightening. It sheds light on your own childhood, helps you to gain an appreciation for your own parents and helps you to set priorities in your life. So much of our lives are spent worrying about things that don't matter. Now that I am a mom I know the only thing that matters is that my family is happy and healthy. (I forget every now and then and worry about stupid stuff, don't get me wrong). For example, I work on my marriage not just because of my deep love for my husband but because I want to set a good example for my kids and because I want for the four of us to be a solid, happy family unit.
8. One of the things that I personally enjoy very much about being a mom is chronicling my son's life in pictures and words. Photo albums, memory boxes, little books and other mementos that I make or collect give me a sense that if I were gone tomorrow my son would know that he was so very loved by his mommy. This started in the womb. I made a pregnancy memory book for Liam and am currently working on one for Derek. In my imaginary world where my sons are BFFs I always envison the precious snapshots that I will be taking and the hundreds of videos of them playing, laughing and generally buddying around. I sometimes think my sons won't care as much about these things as daughters would have but I also know that these things are as much for me as for them. Heck, I often peruse my own Facebook albums of Liam and smile, laugh and even sometimes tear up. (Is that weird?)
9. I don't have nearly as many mommy friends as I would like. I admit it. This is partially my own fault as I am not great at sustaining new friendships. Therefore, I find myself waiting around for my old friends to join me in life's big leaps like marriage and kids. My very closest friends (all made in high school) are still single and childless. I love them dearly but there are certain things that they just don't understand. (They can't!) I know this sounds like a complaint and not a joy but the reason I am complaining is because the few mom friends I do have are so much fun to be with and talk to. We "get" each other and we can commiserate as well as share joys. Being a mom really indoctrinates you into a club of women. I find myself clicking "like" on Facebook shots of babies and children all of the time whose moms I don't really consider "friends" or writing words of encouragement on the same girls' status updates because, although I may hardly know the mom anymore, I know EXACTLY how she feels. Suddenly I feel a kinship to them and their growing families. I know the trials, the joys and the fears that they are going through. I know that though we may never even see each other "in real life" anymore (admit it, you have tons of Facebook friends like this) that it still feels nice to know that people think your kid is cute or can relate to the sleepless nights with a sick baby you are experiencing this week. This particular bullet point has inspired me to, perhaps, join a mom's group. (In all likelihood, I will not.)
10. LOVE. Did you know you could love the way that you love your children? Could you ever have even imagined? I couldn't. I loved my son from the second he was born. I loved him so much that I lost my breath often in the first weeks of his life just feeling overwhelmed with the intensity with which I loved him. I wanted to protect him from any possible pain. I wanted to hold him all day. I was obsessed. I still love him just as much. More every day. At 30 pounds, he is not always a joy to hold all day anymore... but that's beside the point. Even as I write this, my heart flutters thinking about his smiling face and his silly noises. He is napping now and I miss him. I miss his sweet smile and his 6 shining white teeth. I know when he wakes up he will be cranky. He is always cranky after his nap. I know he will need at least 10 minutes of cuddles and cartoons before he will be very good company but that's OK because some day, not too long from now, he won't need or want to be held after naps. He will not need a lot of what he needs from me now. I have got to savor this. I know that much (and,really, nothing else) about being a mom.
Thanks for reading, guys! I really hope to start writing often.
Precious Liam
Peanut Derek
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