Here goes, once again, in no particular order:
1. Guilt and worry!!! Why do we have to feel so guilty? All of us! Working moms, stay at home moms, step-moms, moms of 1, moms of 5, moms of babies, moms of adults, we all have one thing in common - guilt! Are we doing it right today? Did we do it right yesterday? Are they eating enough? Too much? Are we talking to them enough? Are they spending too much time at home? Are they spending too much time in daycare? Could someone ever hurt them? Is someone hurting them? Are they getting sick? Are we setting a good example? Parenting = Guilt and worry! How can it not? Parenting means responsibility for another human being's LIFE! (P.S. This applies to a lot of dads too. I know it applies to my husband but I think men are just less inclined to worry and guilt. In any case, didn't want to minimize the feelings lots of dads have for their kids!!)
2. Kids' TV is irritating, overly cutesy and gets old FAST. My husband and I maybe get an hour or two to watch what we want. Most of our time is spent watching Wonder Pets and Bubble Guppies. Truth be told, these shows are sort of funny or cute in small doses but in large doses you start to feel like your brain is turning to mush. Liam's favorite movie, for instance, is Rio. For those of you who have not seen it, it's about a slightly socially awkward, domesticated American macaw who is shipped off to Brazil to mate with another tough, wild Brazilian macaw. This movie is actually not bad and has some witty dialogue and good music mixed in which are meant to make it watchable for adults. The first 5 or 6 times - cute. The 100th time - shoot me in the head... I wanna watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Which brings me back to # 1 - Oh God, is he watching too much TV?????
3. People without kids do not get you anymore. Once you become a mom (or dad) it is difficult for MOST single people or childless couples to understand you. I have wonderful friends who sometimes really try but they don't get it. They just don't. If I say I am leaving dinner early to be home for bed time I feel like an annoyance. The truth is "jammy time" is one of the best times of day in our house and I love being there to kiss my precious son good night. I'd rather do that than most things. That doesn't make sense to a lot of people without kids but that's just the truth. At times I personally feel like an old, boring dork to my friends.
4. Someday these kids are going to turn into the dreaded TEENAGER! I really find that frightening. We love them so much and they are so sweet and cute now but someday (it won't seem like long) they will be 16 year olds with driver's licenses and attitudes. Mom will know nothing. Dad will be boring and old. They will probably get drunk and, God help me, have SEX (hopefully not at the same time!!!!!) I shudder at the thought of my sweet Liam as a teen. Partially because, for the most part, teenagers are pains in the butt and partially because getting kids out of the teen years safe, alive and relatively unscathed while still allowing them to establish their independence seems like an incredibly difficult and complex feat. I can handle sippy cups and dirty diapers but my boys having GIRLFRIENDS and CARS? No. No. At 5, they each need to be administered a shot to stop this process. And, here we are, back at # 1 once again. WORRY! It is sick that I am worried about things that will happen literally more than a decade from now but I am because I am a mom.
5. The Stay at Home Mom vs. Working Mom conflict! Why are working moms and Stay at Home Moms so often at war with one another? I will tell you why because all moms are GUILTY and WORRIED. Stay at home moms feel inadequate at times for a variety of reasons. ("Am I valuable? Does what I do count? I am home all day, I should spend every waking second grateful and joyful for this time with my children. I am obnoxious and spoiled to complain or to seem cranky or tired!!") Working moms worry that people are judging them for spending time away from their child either by necessity or choice. ("Shouldn't I miss my kid every second? I mean EVERY SINGLE SECOND? Do people think I value money more than my child? Will my child love the nanny more? If I pick up dinner on the way home I am failing as a wife and a mom??... even if I am leaving the office at 6 after a long, stressful day.") ***Now I am not a working mom so I am basing that on convos I have had with friends who work as well as a little bit of my own perception.*** In any case, these feelings of fear and inadequacy lead moms to take jabs at one another. "Well, what does she DO all day at home?" vs. "Does she even see her kid except on weekends?" I think this is so nasty and mean. I hate when moms do this to each other. It's a personal choice to stay home or work and, for many, it is NOT a choice at ALL. Some moms have to be at home because their pay could never make up for daycare costs while other moms have to work for a multitude of reasons. So just stop it!!! Be nice to each other!!
6. Shopping with kids is awful. No one likes it. I don't believe you if you say you do. Some days or trips in particular may be easier or better than others but you're a liar if you say you would rather bring your kids to the grocery store than leave them at home with Daddy or a sitter... and this is coming from a mom with a kid who, by most accounts, has an awesome temperament and personality. He usually does very well shopping with minimal meltdowns and is pretty easily placated with a snack or a sippy cup. He also hasn't gotten old enough to start begging for things at the store so I don't have to avoid the toy aisle like the plague. (God help the moms whose kids I hear at every trip to Target, 5 aisles away, screaming at the top of their lungs! You, my friends, are my heroes. ) But do you really want to have pack snacks, bottles, diapers, wipes, toys, extra clothes for your kids and yourself just to go to the grocery store? NO. Do you possibly want to take your time to wander down an aisle and peruse a variety of salad dressings? Do you want to be able to take your time and not have to throw the first Ranch dressing you see in the cart? YES. Do you wish that the sweet old lady in frozen foods would not keep you for TWENTY minutes playing with and talking to your baby? Probably. Do you feel 5 times as tired when you leave the store as you should? Absolutely.
To be honest, I can't think of 10. I think these 6 pretty much sum it up. I guess that's my "obligatory positive spin" that, ultimately, I could easily think of 10 joys of being a mom and that it took memore effort to create this list and I only came up with 6. That was totally unintended... sorry. ; )
Liam - March 23, 2011.
Liam - February 2012
He will be one year old in less than a week!!! Some of the last year has been fun and joyful. Some has been scary, exhausting and trying. One thing is FOR SURE it has flown by and I am excited to see what the next MANY years have in store for us as a family.
Thanks for reading.
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