Adventures in "Stay at Home Mommy-hood": My Little Ray of Sunshine

While I have been pregnant this second time I have been utterly PLAGUED by mood swings, worry and crying spells. I have been an emotional basketcase who, at times, feels totally out of control of my emotions. It has been trying for myself and my husband and I have tried extremely hard not to let my son see too much or sense too much of it but I am sure he does sometimes. However, when I have cried in front of him, he has laughed HYSTERICALLY giving me the sense he thinks I am just making silly noises and sounds... playing with him. Long-lasting emotional scarring seems unlikely... This totally inappropriate laughter, however, is often just what I need to snap out of it. How can you be upset when there is this gorgeous little boy laughing so hard his face is turning red? The magic of it all is that, even when his mommy is crying, his life and world are so magical that he believes that she is trying to bring him joy. That's the thing - the world is here to make him happy, to entertain him, to make him laugh. Perhaps he also laughs because when he cries someone always smiles at him, holds him and makes him feel better. Perhaps he sees my crying spell as an opportunity to return the favor; to smile at me, to tell me "Hey mom, It will be ok... it's not so serious... don't be silly..." Regardless, he reminds me that it's going to be OK. That is his gift to me.

The simple magic of being a small child is the belief that everything will be OK - that life is really just a big fun game! This morning, after breakfast, I did the dishes and he played with his colorful baby spoons in his high chair. He pounded them on his high chair tray, he sucked on them, he put them over his eyes and giggled,. He threw them on the floor and waited for me to pick them up and then laughed when I handed them back, grabbing my face as I set them down and pulling it in for a kiss. The magic of the spoons (that he eats from EVERY day) lasted 30 minutes. I kept thinking, I wish I found spoons so enchanting. Doing dishes would be a lot more fun if I did. But, at least, I get to do the dishes with HIM every morning. Afterward, I set him on the floor in his play pen and took out some of the toys he was playing with yesterday and put in some "new" (haven't been played with in a couple of days) ones. He spent the next hour (while I worked on my grocery list and paid bills) picking up each new toy and playing with it, rolling around with it, tasting it, pushing all of its buttons and giggling at me each time I walked by or looked up, as if to say, "Look Mom! Remember my piano??! It lights up and makes noise! I haven't seen this thing in days!!" I would lean down and kiss him and he would grab my hair HARD and when I yelled "Ow!" he would, what else?, laugh! The amount of magic and joy that this baby experienced in just the first two hours of being awake this morning is probably twice as much as I have in the last year.

The great thing is that now I get to experience the magic with him and, though he's not much of a conversationalist and has terrible taste in TV, I get to hang out with the happiest dude on the planet every day... and that makes life a lot easier, funnier, sillier, happier and just, all around, awesome! He is the best anti-depressant in the world and I am so grateful for my little ray of sunshine!

If you don't have a little one to spend your life with then I will share mine: