As I wait on this second miraculous boy to join our family, I confess: I am getting a little silly, crazy, irrational and nutty...
1. I don't know if this qualifies as a confession but, if you know me, you know why this is embarrassing and funny. After I read online that dancing can bring on labor, Liam and I have had multiple "Dance Derek Out Parties". The image of my 9 month pregnant self dancing around the living room in my PJ's is hysterical, especially since I can't dance when I am not pregnant. We made a video but that will be for family only viewing as it is both hilarious and a little bit grotesque. It's been a lot of fun even if it doesn't help get Derek out. (Silly)
2. My current worst fear is that I will go into labor suddenly in the middle of the night, my sister in law will have to rush over to sit with Liam and the house will be messy. Thus, every night before bed I straighten everything up. I don't want to leave dishes in the sink and I feel the need to sweep. This is ridiculous because she would not care at all and I know I, personally, would have much bigger fish to fry but I still feel the need to do it every night. (Crazy)
3. I find myself almost crying every day at least once imagining being in the hospital with Derek and being away from Liam for a few days. I literally can't stand the thought. He is the most easy, adjustable, flexible kid and he will be in great hands, of course, but I just find myself emotionally overcome thinking about him being away from both of his parents for an extended period of time and worry that he will think he has been replaced by Derek. : ( (Irrational)
4. I was induced with Liam and never went into labor on my own so I keep worrying that I won't know that I am in labor and I Google the signs of labor over and over. I know everyone says "You'll know.." but my personality is such that I want someone to explain to me EXACTLY what will happen in what order so I can know within, say, 5 minutes of labor beginning that I am, indeed, in labor. I can't stand the not knowing. (Nutty)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
What Makes a Good Mom?
Can anyone really answer this question? I have pondered this question ever since Daniel and I started considering having kids. What do good moms do? What don't they do? How does one become a good mom? Are there really bad moms? If so, what makes them bad? After pondering and pondering, watching the moms around me, questioning myself, reading books, trying to be self-aware about my own mothering skills, I have come to the conclusion that there is no singular factor that makes you a good mom and the only people who are bad moms, in my opinion, are those that aren't trying (and, in my view, the vast majority of moms are trying). So what I have decided is this - I need to take stock of the great moms and women in my life and see if I can take a little bit of each of them to try and be the best mom I can be. Not a one of them is perfect and I am sure I wouldn't do EVERYTHING any of them did or do with their kids BUT I admire them and I want to learn from them. This is by no means a list of all of the great moms I know. This is just a list of the ones that i am closest to and the ones who have served as role models for me in some way.
My maternal grandmother, Ginger, is nurturing and giving of her time. She has always lived far from me and she used to send me tapes of herself reading me books so I could listen to her as I read along to my Ramona books. She used to sew my Halloween costumes and mail them to me. She makes beautiful blankets, clothes and other handmade things for my sons just as she did for me. She taught me that it's the little things, the gestures of love, the time taken, that children remember and that matter in the long run.
The biggest lesson that I learned from my paternal grandmother, Pat, was that your children are always your children; always your babies. You should love them as such their entire lives. When my father was dying her love for her son was beautiful. He was 50 something but to her he was a child, a baby, and as she told stories of him as a child it was clear that she remembered him almost exclusively as a young person. I learned from her that a mother's role is to always hold her "babies" in her heart. A person can only really remain a child in the eyes of their mother and father and it is important to have those people who will always see you as your most innocent and pure self.
My mother-in-law, Beverly, has shown me that when you love your children you must love ALL of them. You must accept them fully. Daniel is so honest with her and so himself in front of her and she loves him so unconditionally. Everyone needs a mama who thinks they are great NO MATTER WHAT and Beverly really adores her son immensely. Daniel is so certain of his mother's love and admiration that he never fakes anything with her.
My Aunt Judy is opinionated and smart. She tells it as she sees it and she does so with love. I know she probably drives her kids crazy with this at times but people always know she cares enough to tell you her opinion. She loves you enough to make you mad. She is generous in every way and never says things in a mean way. I have learned from her that you have to love your family enough to tell them things they may not want to hear and that, if you have always shown them love, they may get mad, but they will always know that it comes from the heart.
My Aunt Cindy is funny and supportive and kind. She will do anything to help the people she loves. She is an absolutely open-hearted kind person full of laughter and great advice. She is great to talk to and always has something nice to say. She cooks wonderful food, keeps a gorgeous home, says the kindest and most special things and loves others unconditionally. I know from watching her with her kids, grandson, nieces and nephews that a mother's/grandmother's/aunt's home should be a soft place to land full of love and laughter.
My sister-in-laws, all 3 so different, have taught me that loving your kids is an art not a science and there is no right way to do it. They are all so unique but each of them loves their kids in a very special way. Since I met Daniel I have watched them raise their kids and learned lots from each of them. I know, from knowing them and their kids, that all we can do is our best, whatever that may be. The children they have raised, funny and smart and interesting as they all are, have shown me that kids will flourish when loved and nurtured and that it is not always as much the "how" or "what" in raising your children as the "why." As long as the "why" is because you love your kids and want what is best for them you are on the right track.
Finally, my mom was attentive to me as a child. She was always aware of me. She always cared what was going on in my life. She always knew my friends and she watched over me closely. What I take from her is that children not only need to be watched and looked after for their safety but so that they know someone cares. It is important that they know they belong somewhere and with someone. It is important that they know in a big, scary world there is a small corner which is theirs. Growing up, I always knew that I was wanted and special.
I really believe that all the moms I know are good... because they are trying. I really hope that I can take pieces of them all and be a great mom and a great friend (someday) to my sons. I hope, most of all, that they know that I tried... really hard... For all of the mistakes that I may have made, I want them to be able to look back one day and say, "I know she loved us immensely and I know she busted her butt to be the best that she could be for us." That way they'll be able to forgive me if I lose my temper with them or make the wrong choice or tell them a lie because, truthfully, those things are going to happen.
My maternal grandmother, Ginger, is nurturing and giving of her time. She has always lived far from me and she used to send me tapes of herself reading me books so I could listen to her as I read along to my Ramona books. She used to sew my Halloween costumes and mail them to me. She makes beautiful blankets, clothes and other handmade things for my sons just as she did for me. She taught me that it's the little things, the gestures of love, the time taken, that children remember and that matter in the long run.
The biggest lesson that I learned from my paternal grandmother, Pat, was that your children are always your children; always your babies. You should love them as such their entire lives. When my father was dying her love for her son was beautiful. He was 50 something but to her he was a child, a baby, and as she told stories of him as a child it was clear that she remembered him almost exclusively as a young person. I learned from her that a mother's role is to always hold her "babies" in her heart. A person can only really remain a child in the eyes of their mother and father and it is important to have those people who will always see you as your most innocent and pure self.
My mother-in-law, Beverly, has shown me that when you love your children you must love ALL of them. You must accept them fully. Daniel is so honest with her and so himself in front of her and she loves him so unconditionally. Everyone needs a mama who thinks they are great NO MATTER WHAT and Beverly really adores her son immensely. Daniel is so certain of his mother's love and admiration that he never fakes anything with her.
My Aunt Judy is opinionated and smart. She tells it as she sees it and she does so with love. I know she probably drives her kids crazy with this at times but people always know she cares enough to tell you her opinion. She loves you enough to make you mad. She is generous in every way and never says things in a mean way. I have learned from her that you have to love your family enough to tell them things they may not want to hear and that, if you have always shown them love, they may get mad, but they will always know that it comes from the heart.
My Aunt Cindy is funny and supportive and kind. She will do anything to help the people she loves. She is an absolutely open-hearted kind person full of laughter and great advice. She is great to talk to and always has something nice to say. She cooks wonderful food, keeps a gorgeous home, says the kindest and most special things and loves others unconditionally. I know from watching her with her kids, grandson, nieces and nephews that a mother's/grandmother's/aunt's home should be a soft place to land full of love and laughter.
My sister-in-laws, all 3 so different, have taught me that loving your kids is an art not a science and there is no right way to do it. They are all so unique but each of them loves their kids in a very special way. Since I met Daniel I have watched them raise their kids and learned lots from each of them. I know, from knowing them and their kids, that all we can do is our best, whatever that may be. The children they have raised, funny and smart and interesting as they all are, have shown me that kids will flourish when loved and nurtured and that it is not always as much the "how" or "what" in raising your children as the "why." As long as the "why" is because you love your kids and want what is best for them you are on the right track.
Finally, my mom was attentive to me as a child. She was always aware of me. She always cared what was going on in my life. She always knew my friends and she watched over me closely. What I take from her is that children not only need to be watched and looked after for their safety but so that they know someone cares. It is important that they know they belong somewhere and with someone. It is important that they know in a big, scary world there is a small corner which is theirs. Growing up, I always knew that I was wanted and special.
I really believe that all the moms I know are good... because they are trying. I really hope that I can take pieces of them all and be a great mom and a great friend (someday) to my sons. I hope, most of all, that they know that I tried... really hard... For all of the mistakes that I may have made, I want them to be able to look back one day and say, "I know she loved us immensely and I know she busted her butt to be the best that she could be for us." That way they'll be able to forgive me if I lose my temper with them or make the wrong choice or tell them a lie because, truthfully, those things are going to happen.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Confessional # 7
I have not written a blog post in FOREVER! I apologize to all of my loyal fans and followers. (That's a joke in case you couldn't tell.)
I figured we were due up for some confessions so here we go:
1. I am in a very defeated, mopey, sad little mood today because I went to the O.B. and I am not dilated AT ALL and barely effaced. I knew I shouldn't let myself get hopeful since I am only 36 and a half weeks and because I never dilated much with Liam... but I did get hopeful. I didn't think I was having the baby today or anything but I just wanted to hear that I had made progress. I am so tired of being pregnant and I feel like I am not spending enough "quality" time with Liam because I am too tired and achy to play and do the things I wish I could. I am just over the whole pregnancy thing. Sooo - in response to not getting my way - today I am not cleaning or doing housework or completing anything on my to do list and just moping and feeling sorry for myself. Yes, this is childish, but I am tired (really tired!) and unmotivated.
2. Today at the doctor there was a toddler about Liam's age walking around and playing and exploring and his pregnant mom was chasing him around the waiting room. I felt bad that I made Liam sit in his stroller and did not let him get out and play but my back was hurting and I didn't want to deal with the inevitable fit that would have ensued when it was time to get back into his stroller. In short, apparently the other pregnant mama is a stronger woman than I am. Oh well.
3. My mail lady and I have a feud going on. Can you believe that? Sounds insane. But it is true. She hates me and I hate her. She hates me so much that she ran over our garbage can last week and left a huge dent in it. I will not bore with you the details. It is, for the record, 100 % HER fault.
Sorry, wish I had more, maybe my funky little mood and my exhaustion are making it difficult for me to think. I don't know. I read once that you should blog every single day in order to keep in the rhythm and the practice of writing and I think that that is probably very true. I will try and do a much better job of posting more!
I figured we were due up for some confessions so here we go:
1. I am in a very defeated, mopey, sad little mood today because I went to the O.B. and I am not dilated AT ALL and barely effaced. I knew I shouldn't let myself get hopeful since I am only 36 and a half weeks and because I never dilated much with Liam... but I did get hopeful. I didn't think I was having the baby today or anything but I just wanted to hear that I had made progress. I am so tired of being pregnant and I feel like I am not spending enough "quality" time with Liam because I am too tired and achy to play and do the things I wish I could. I am just over the whole pregnancy thing. Sooo - in response to not getting my way - today I am not cleaning or doing housework or completing anything on my to do list and just moping and feeling sorry for myself. Yes, this is childish, but I am tired (really tired!) and unmotivated.
2. Today at the doctor there was a toddler about Liam's age walking around and playing and exploring and his pregnant mom was chasing him around the waiting room. I felt bad that I made Liam sit in his stroller and did not let him get out and play but my back was hurting and I didn't want to deal with the inevitable fit that would have ensued when it was time to get back into his stroller. In short, apparently the other pregnant mama is a stronger woman than I am. Oh well.
3. My mail lady and I have a feud going on. Can you believe that? Sounds insane. But it is true. She hates me and I hate her. She hates me so much that she ran over our garbage can last week and left a huge dent in it. I will not bore with you the details. It is, for the record, 100 % HER fault.
Sorry, wish I had more, maybe my funky little mood and my exhaustion are making it difficult for me to think. I don't know. I read once that you should blog every single day in order to keep in the rhythm and the practice of writing and I think that that is probably very true. I will try and do a much better job of posting more!
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