A Lesson for My Sons

Dear Liam and Derek,

Something horrible and scary happened last Friday.  The details are more than any small child should have to know or deal with at all so I will just say that someone evil did an evil thing to a lot of innocent people.  The fact is these kinds of things happen.  What you need to know is that your father and I are here to protect you.  You are not ready to protect yourself and you do not have to.

When that horrible thing happened your father and I were very sad and shaken up.  You know why?  Because we love you two more than anything.  We couldn't bear the thought of anything so scary ever happening to you.  It reminded us of what is most important to us: our sweet little Fish and Bear. 

Since then I have  thought a lot about what I want to learn from this event so that I can pass that learning on to you.  What I have learned is simple.  Life is short and sacred.  We must always show the ones we love how much we love them.  Most of all, sometimes things happen that just don't make sense... that aren't right and aren't fair and that cannot be explained.  You have to face those events with grace and dignity.  You have to be brave and strong. 

You don't have to be strong or brave yet.  We will do that for you.  But, someday, you will be men: husbands and fathers.  You will have to face things that you may not like and that you may not understand.  I hope that nothing so awful as what happened last week ever happens to you.  I hope that the worst of it for you is relatively mild.  I can't promise that because sometimes things just happen but, my goodness, do I hope that for you. 

I want you to know that we all face challenges, fear and injustice.  No one is immune.  I have faced plenty of it myself.  However, the things that have been the most difficult have prepared me to be your mother which is, without question, the hardest job I have ever had.  I am much better for having faced those obstacles and those fears. There is no shame in being afraid but you can't let your fear get the best of you. Do not hide from your fears.  Ever.  Be the kind of men who face things and the kind of men who protect others when necessary.  You may not understand why you have to be strong or it may seem unfair that your life has taken a certain turn but that is life.  You can't always make sense of it.  You certainly can't control the behavior of others. 

There are people in this world who, sadly, are not good and who do not have others' best intentions in mind.  That is just the truth.  However, there are lots more people who are kind and loving and who will help you when you are in need.  Most importantly, you MUST be one of the good guys.  You must always be a kind and loving person and act with care for others.  It is imperative.  I am your mother and I am ordering you to do so. 

Life is truly beautiful.  I promise.  There will be more sunny days than stormy skies.  There will be great joy from the most hideous situations.  You will see.  You will understand this more as you get older.   For now, just trust me and always move forward with an open heart and a happy spirit.  And when it comes time to be men, try to be the kind of men that other men strive to be.  It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

I read this quote once and I think it is fitting here: 

"There are monsters, and it's okay to be afraid of them but it's not okay to let them win and it's not okay to be one."

That is the absolute, unequivocal truth. 

I love you more than you could possibly ever know.  You are the greatest joys in my life and my greatest source of pride.  You are special and important and I am grateful to have been so lucky to get to be your mother.  Your father and I will always love you and could not imagine a life without you. 

Mommy

One Kings Lane Has AWESOME Deals right now!

I am thrifty to a fault and I am obsessed with One Kings Lane right now for Christmas gifts.  Earlier this week I posted about the Melissa and Doug toys.  They are still on sale... but not for much longer. It's worth checking out though!   I bought two Melissa and Doug toys and spent a total of $22 bucks with shipping. That's less than ONE would have cost had I bought them at retail. 

They added new sales and you can get a similar "BOGO" deal just for becoming a member.  If you didn't read my last post about One King's Lane, then here's the deal:  They are giving every new member $15 good toward any purchase of $30 or more.  If you buy two items that cost right around $15 then you basically get one free.  There are plenty of $15 items.  You could share this deal with a friend who wanted the same item (or even a different $15 item) and get an even better deal.

Here are some items that are on the site for about $15:

*$16.00 - Scented Pinecones, in the "Deck the Halls" sale*

*Curly "Ting"  - 16.00,  In the "Deck the Halls" sale*

*Credit Card Case - $19.00, In the "Gifts Under $100" sale*

*Holiday Stripe Cache Pot - $17.00, In the "Jayes" sale*

There is lots more, too!  Lots of gifts and holiday decor and more.  Oooooh how I love a deal!

If you are interested in the Melissa and Doug toys, check out this post:Melissa and Doug Toys Deal


And here is the link again:  One Kings Lane

Just a note:  I am not becoming a deals blogger but I also think a big part of being a SAHM (at least for me)  is finding deals and bargains that can help make up for your own lack of income.  I hope other Moms (and Dads) take advantage of this deal and save some money this Christmas!

Annoying Motherhood Quote # 2

 If this is the case, then perhaps I am not such a good mom:


I will give my children everything that they need and I will certainly sacrifice so that they can be happy, healthy and well cared for. I always think to buy things for them before myself. I feed Liam nutritious and carefully prepared meals while I eat Ramen noodles for lunch. I struggle with putting myself first but I really feel that it is unhealthy for the kids to come first every moment of every day. If there is not enough pie for everyone perhaps I will share a slice with Dad. If I do let them have the pie, I think I may mention that I do like pie and I would like some next time. Stuff like this sets us up to feel like failures. It's not fair to expect us to always take a back seat and never put ourselves first. Plus, it's not good for our kids. Kids need happy parents who do what makes them feel good too. Parenting is a selfless endeavor and the kids should and do come first but no one can be 100 % selfless. I have to remind myself of this often. I would rather be a happy mom than a martyr and I am sure that is what my boys would prefer as well.

A Deal I Couldn't Resist Sharing

OK so I love to share deals!  This is a great one for Christmas gifts!  One King's Lane is giving a $15 credit to every new member who signs up.  There are some really cute Melissa and Doug toys being sold for $15, which is a good deal anyway.  You have to spend at leats $30 to redeem your credit BUT that is easy to do.  Buy 2 Melissa and Doug toys and, with shipping and everything, get them for basically BOGO.  There is other cool stuff on the site too but the toys were such a great deal.  M & D toys are awesome and high quality and I know lots of Moms would love to get them!  Here is the link:

 One Kings Lane

The toys are in the "Wish List" sale! 

Annoying Motherhood Quote # 1

I get kind of (really) sick of hearing and seeing these quotes, sayings and little phrases that are supposed to sum up motherhood.  Many of them are meant to be encouraging reminders but, to me, they often come across as condescending and unrealistic.  I love being a mom and my kids are mine and Daniel's whole world (just take a look at my Facebook status updates and photos for the last 2 years or so and you will see what I mean).  I can't imagine our lives without them.  Those boys are the best thing that ever happened to us.  With that said, I am going to start posting some quotes/sayings/etc. about parenting that I find thoroughly annoying.  I guess it seems like a "Negative Nancy" thing to do but so be it.

This is installment # 1. 

1.  This one is all over Pinterest, I have seen it printed on plaques and books and is definitel a Facebook favorite.


I get it.  The kids come before the mopping.  The kids' happiness is wayyy more important than a perfect, immaculate home.  This is why my house is FAR (farrrrrr) from immaculate.  However, I have to say that I feel a kid who grows up in a well-kept, clean and safe home is better off and, probably, generally happier.   Plus, it sets a good example for how they should keep their homes as adults.  I love that our house is generally neat and organized.  The boys' things aren't strewn about everywhere.  They have clean clothes to wear.  I can prepare their meals in clean, sanitary kitchen.  Sorry, but these things matter too.  I want my sons to remember growing up in a home in which their family took pride. (Side note: I am also extremely grateful that they have a father that sets an example for manhood which involves helping out around the house.)  This quote is annoying to me because it is, as most of these motherhood quotes are, an unrealistic overgeneralization.  Now I am supposed to feel BAD if I keep my house tidy?  I call B.S. 

This Just Happened...

I am writing this post for 2 reasons: 1.  I bet it makes some of you (especially parents) laugh and 2.  I want to remember every single detail of this incident so I can remind Liam of it when he is about 15 and then every couple of months thereafter.  

I am not exaggerating or adding anything to this story.  This is EXACTLY what happened. I just texted Daniel and told him that even I, a relatively seasoned mother at this point, was shocked by what just took place. This is my life.  Welcome to it.

As all parents will understand, I am intimately acquainted with my kids' bowel movements.  I know exactly when they poop usually, how much, what it should look like and smell like and whether anything seems "off" with their pooping habits.  I know to single childless people this sounds both gross and probably insane but it's just true.  With that said, I won't go into too much detail and just say that Liam has been constipated.  When I realized this, I did what any good parent would do and set to work remedying the issue.  My typical solution is juice and fruit so for the last 36 hours or so his diet has been heavy in both.

Well... it worked. 

Oh my, did it work.

After a lunch of apples, peaches, Cheerios, juice (and a couple of pieces of turkey for good measure) I did what I always do.  I got the boys ready for our daily walk.  I always get them a fresh diaper, bundle them up if its cool and off we go.  I was dismayed that when I went to change Liam's diaper before our walk he had not yet... well... you know.

When they were ready I grabbed Derek and put him in the stroller. This requires a fair amount of strapping and, though he loves the stroller and riding in it, he hates being strapped in.  He fussed and whined but I got him strapped. With the door open so I could see Derek I went to get Liam from his playpen.  I realized at this point that he had finally pooped.  Success!  BUT Derek was outside in the stroller so I had to think quick. Taking him out and bringing him back in would cause a total  meltdown on his part which usually leads to a total meltdown on Liam's part... sooo...  I ran to Liam's room grabbed his wipes and a diaper and ran back outside so as not to leave Derek alone.  I changed Liam in the grass. Little bits of sticks and dirt kept clinging to him but I eventually got him clean and freshly diapered.  Had the story ended here it would have been chuckle worthy.  "What terrible timing the kid has!" I would say as I laughed and told Daniel about it this evening.  But no... the plot thickens.

We then went on our 45 minute walk.  Around minute 10 I noticed a strange smell but thought it was just some strange odor in the neighborhood - road kill, perhaps or someone's garbage can overturned.  It wasn't until minute 20 or so (20 minutes from home now, you must remember) that I realized the smell wasn't going anywhere.  It seemed to be following us.  Or... was it us?  My first instinct was to sniff Derek but when he came up smelling like a rose, I turned my attention to the front of the stroller.  I didn't have to smell Liam because it was all the way down to his shoes, in his pants and up his waist.  How it had worked itself all over his body I will never know but what I did know was I was going to have to bring him back the 20 minute walk in the other direction covered in his own feces.  I felt awful but had no choice.  I walked as fast as I could and jogged some too (a lot more difficult than it sounds with 45 pounds of baby in a stroller).  We made it home in about 13 minutes. 

I immediately grabbed Liam out of the stroller, ran inside, tossed him in his playpen, ran back outside and grabbed Derek, set him in his chair and then started the bath.  While the bath was running I tore Liam's clothes off and went to wipe off the poo streaming down his legs only to suddenly remember that the wipes were still sitting on the porch.  I considered opening a new pack or running to Derek's room but I was terrified of what Liam would do in the meantime and by this time Derek was starting to cry.  Sooo I just put Liam in the bath tub and sprayed him down, emptied the water and then filled the bath again.  I scrubbed him quickly and then put him in a diaper and put him in his playpen and put on Megamind (a personal lifeline).    I debated whether leaving him pantless was smart because he has been known to take his diaper off but felt confident that he would be sufficiently distracted by Megamind and, surely, he had no more poop left, right?  And poor Derek was crying.  He was hungry.

I actually had this thought: 'Oh well.  If he takes his diaper off it will only be pee..." 

I then ran and made Derek a bottle and as I was feeding him tried to keep an eye on Liam to make sure he left his diaper alone.  I said twice, "Let me see your diaper" and he stood where I could see that it was securely fastened.  I then made the fatal mistake of closing my eyes.  I just wanted a moment of peace and quiet.  Neither of them was crying.  They were both content.  I just closed my eyes for probably one minute, maybe 90 seconds.The next thing I knew I heard a THUD followed by Liam yelling, "Yuck!"  I opened my eyes to find him totally naked sitting in his little arm chair smearing poop on the arms and back of it.  His diaper was laying at my feet... filled with poop.

That just happened.

Our Fur Babies

Let me begin by saying I am ridiculously inconsistent with this blog and I know I am.  However, I do feel as though I have a few decent reasons why I have slacked off.
 
1. I have 2 babies under 2!
2. I have made a commitment to exercise for at least 45 minutes per day 6 - 7 days a week.
3. I have started writing internet content freelance.

Truth be told, I can barely find the time to shower some days. 

However, I really love writing this blog.  It is fun and kind of therapeutic to confess, gripe, brag and joke around and let the world get a little glimpse of my life. I also get feedback from others that says my posts are encouraging which is very encouraging to me. I really WANT to blog more often...It may or may not happen but I am going to try.

So, without further ado, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, a blog post about something I haven't talked about a whole lot on this blog.  I want to talk about 4 pretty special members of our family!  Our pets: Phoebe, Mieke, Cujo and Lady!  When Daniel and I had our sons we tried very hard not to let the animals take a back seat but, unfortunately, they do at times.  It's just the way it goes, I guess.  I just want to take a minute to celebrate them because they bring a lot of joy and richness to our family life and they are 4 of the greatest animals to ever live!

This is Phoebe:

First things first, there are two black cats and this one is PHOEBE. His face is rounder than Cujo's and, yes, we can tell them apart.  To clarify further, he is a BOY, yes.  Daniel named him thinking he was a girl and by the time he learned that he was a boy it was too late to change his name. Weird, yes, but that's just the way it is atound here.  Daniel often says he thinks of "Phoebe" as a boys' name now.  That's how normal it seems to us by now.

  This picture was taken at our rental house probably 5 years ago or more.  He used to love to sit in this little pink box which was the wrapping to a gift originally.  I was not around for the initial adoption of this box because he was Daniel's cat when I met him.  I just know he loved it and Daniel saved it for him and Phoebe sat in it, slept in it and enjoyed it for many years.  The box didn't make the move to our new house with us.

Phoebe may have started out as Daniel's cat but he is definitely mine now.  I love this cat so much it makes my heart hurt just to think of it.  He is sweet and loyal like a dog.  He gives kisses on the lips (you may think this is gross but I love his little sandpaper kisses), loves to cuddle and comes when he is called.  Oh my goodness, he is a sweetie pie and we would be lost without his sweet little personality in our lives.  He is a bit spoiled and can be highly over dramatic (screeches heard throughout the house if you startle him, for instance) but he is a good little dude and I, personally, would be lost without him!

 

This is Mieke:

There are far better pictures of Mieke out there because she is absolutely beautiful and majestic looking but I like this picture very much.  This is a picture of Mieke and I when I was pregnant with Liam.  Please excuse my appearance.  I just love this picture of us because it sums up her sweet, loving, personality.  She already loved Liam!  She is still the most gentle, kind, loving friend to our boys.  She looks after them and really adores them.  They both love her right back. Liam climbs all over her, "pets" her (pulls her fur) and loves to jingle her collar and tags.  Though he often seems to annoy her she never complains.  She rarely even moves as he yanks on her ears or tries to eat her foot (gross, I know.)  She and Derek will sometimes just sit and stare at one another in this loving way that is pretty adorable.

Mieke is a beautiful creature inside and out.  She loves to give love and be loved.  She was hyper and a little crazy as a puppy but now, as an older dog, she is usually very calm.  She wants to be wherever we are and sleeps with us every single night.  As a matter of fact, if Daniel is working nights she will sleep all night with me and then go to bed with him when he gets home.  This is probably about 50% laziness but the other 50 % is pure L.O.V.E.  I know this because I know her and she is as sweet, special and affectionate as any dog can be.

Daniel and Mieke have a special relationship and she loves him the most, by far, but that is OK with me because they make each other very happy.  I have picture after picture of the two of them and there probably aren't tons more than this one of she and I but that doesn't mean that I don't absolutely adore this pretty blue-eyed girl.

 

This is Cujo:

This picture makes me smile because it really illustrates Cujo to me.  He is a super laid-back cat. He is the only one the cats who lets me do things like this without any fight.  He probably wore that all evening.  He surely didn't care.  He staggers when he walks which led to Daniel and I nicknaming him "Captain Jack."   Also he "fist bumps" with his head (which I guess is actually "head bumping") which is freaking hysterical and adds to his "cool" factor.He is really a character.

To add to his odd and eccentric personality, he doesn't really "meow."  He has this raspy little whisper of a voice that he hardly ever uses unless he is highly agitated or Liam is pulling his tail.  He and Liam have a funny relationship.  Liam really likes him and Cujo tolerates Liam to the best of his ability.  Actually, Cujo seems to be tolerating everything and everyone in life.  The only exception to that rule is Daniel.  He loves Daniel very, very much.  He can take or leave me (eventhough he was MY cat first!) and he likes Phoebe pretty well (they wrestle each other playfully and gang up and beat the crap out of Lady not so playfully) but, really, he seems way too cool for most everyone else. 

 

This is Lady:





She is fat, OLD and a little cranky but Lady is a good, good girl.  She is constantly tortured by the two boys (the cats, not the humans) who team up on her and beat her mercilessly.  We find their claws in her back sometimes. Poor girl.  She is perpetually screaming at the food bowl. I don't think she is hungry but just always anxious that the food will run out. 

We have no idea how old she is because she was a friend of Daniel's and Daniel adopted her. People always ask if she is pregnant because of her big, swaying belly but she is much too old to give birth.  Just lazy and obese.

Lady is generally quietly sleeping on the couch on a green blanket which she has pretty much claimed as her own.  If she isn't there she is under the bed in our room.  She and Mieke get along pretty well and, once in a blue moon, she hops up in mine or Daniel's lap looking for affection.  Mostly, though, she is a loner.  She causes no trouble and she is very sweet.  We joke about not loving her or call her our "redheaded stepchild" but we will be horribly sad when she isn't around anymore. 

 

They have all 4 been around since before Daniel and I even got together.  Cujo was mine and the rest were Daniel's and they were our first "kids."  They have been through it all with us and have seen lots of changes in our lives but they have remained constantly loyal and loving.  They are 4 of the very best friends that we could have ever asked for and I have really enjoyed sitting here writing about them.

 

Here are some more great pictures of our 4 fur babies. 

 

Gratitude

Today I am grateful for...

A HOUSE that (always!!!! jeez...) needs to be cleaned and straightened and dusted and swept. 

Two HEALTHY BOYS with lungs strong enough to scream at me when they need me.

A husband who WORKS long hours because that means: 1.  I have a great husband and 2. We have what we need.

A 3 month old who rarely naps and, therefore, almost always SLEEPS through the night.

Dinners that need to be cooked because we have FOOD.

An 18 month old who brings me the same 3 books to read over and over (and over.... and over...) again because he loves to READ.

A 3 month old who loves to CUDDLE so much that some days he doesn't let us put him down.

Two sons under two who always need something (ALWAYS!!) because they bring my life purpose and JOY beyond belief.

A husband who gets on my nerves sometimes because it would be hard to get on my nerves if he weren't HERE every day committed to our family.

Confessional # 10

Here are some confessionals to make you feel better about yourself today!  ;)

1.  Sometimes, if both boys are quiet and fed, I will put Liam in front of the TV, park Derek in his chair by the bathroom door and get in the shower (even if I don't need one) and just enjoy the peaceful feeling and sound of the warm water. 

2. Last night was the first time in about a week that I have cooked anything.  We were visiting Daniel's parents at the beach and they (as well as Daniel's wonderful aunt and grandmother) cooked for us and then when we got home we were low on groceries so I made Schwan's frozen meals for two nights.  I rather enjoyed it but Daniel requested a "real dinner" last night so I figured I owed him that much after a week straight of no cooking!

3.  Liam now consistently refers to Derek as "Gentle" and I really and truly believe that he thinks that that is his name.  This is cute but also weird. 

4.  Derek had not consistently slept in his crib or cradle (preferring his vibrating chair) until two nights ago.  At over 2 months it was high time.  I will admit this was probably partially him not wanting to sleep in his crib and his parents being slightly lazy because it was soooo much easier to get him to sleep in his chair at first.  BUT he now sleeps in his crib and for 6 - 8 hour stretches so, judge all you want, his sleep habits are pretty darn good! 

5.  I have to erase about 50 % of my status updates before I post them because I realize they are very "braggy" about my kids and I don't want to seem obnoxious.  I am just such a proud mama... it's hard!!!

Loving 2 Kids

When I was pregnant this second time, Daniel and I were perplexed by the notion that you could love two people as much as we loved our precious firstborn Liam. So we asked a very dear family member of ours if it is really true that you love the second child the same way as you did first.  She shall remain nameless for fear her second child will be offended but what she said made some sense then and makes absolute sense now - "You love them just the same... is every moment exactly as magical?  No. But that's OK."  That, for myself and my husband (who I often speak for, yes) is the absolute truth.  It's not quite as amazing and magical with the second because you have done it before.  Everything that is your second child's first is not YOUR first, as well.  This makes each moment slightly less exhilarating.  The upside?  (and this is a HUGE upside) is that those firsts are not nearly as terrifying.  You worry about a million times less.  You have managed to get the first kid through pretty much anything that you are now trying to the get the second kid through.  You know that babies are resilient and not quite as fragile as you may have thought.  You are clear on your priorities as a parent and you know what you didn't know the first time:  You can do it.  (You'v e done it once, after all).  The pediatrician isn't on speed dial and you know that a crying baby is not always terribly miserable and just might be trying to communicate.  Not every runny nose requires a doctor's visit and diaper rash is not a sign of parental negligence.  You know that they do things on their own time and that if they need help you will be there to help but that, for the most part, they are exploring the world and learning at whatever pace works for them.  Through every stage of Liam's life so far I have worried if he was doing things when he was "supposed to" and whether I was doing enough to see to it that he was on track.  He has yet to miss a single milestone or come up with any major developmental issues or handicaps... so I know that I was worrying for nothing.  I also know now (on my good days, at least) that worrying about the kid isn't going to change anything.  Liam rolled, crawled, pulled up, walked, talked and slept through the night when he was ready.  He did some of those things before his counterparts and others after his counterparts but he has managed to master pretty much everything that a toddler his age should have by now.... and shocker of all shockers... my endless worrying had no effect on the matter.  So when Derek hits a milestone will I be excited?  Of course!  (His first biggie - smiling - was so exciting for Daniel and I that we couldn't stop giggling and smiling ourselves.)  Will I worry myself into a frenzy about when it will happen?  No! (Ok well, Only sometimes!)   So, though, every move Derek makes isn't quite as magical and sublime as it may have been when Liam was 2 months old I am a much more relaxed mama and Derek reaps that benefit.  The love is absolutely 100% the same.  I love them both an insane amount!  I think each of them is the best thing since sliced bread!  Liam is the world's most perfect and wonderful toddler and Derek is the world's most perfect and wonderful newborn.  Liam is the best big brother to ever live and Derek is the sweetest, most special little brother.  They are already different in many ways and I am sure their differences will multiply and become more pronounced as they grow but the beautiful thing about it is that they are both so unbelievably special, gorgeous, sweet and fun to be with.   Daniel and I constantly marvel at the fact that we somehow got the two best baby boys to ever live!  Watching them interact is so wonderful.  Just today Liam sat at the edge of Derek's chair and touched the baby's toes for 5 minutes straight, whispering "gentle..." over and over.  (We have beatened the concept of being gentle with the baby into his head so hard that we think he may think Derek's name is actually "Gentle Gray.")  Liam was so happy to just sit there and touch his brother's feet that I could have cried imagining the fun that they will have and the special bond that will grow with each year.  Watching Liam love his brother makes me love him even more (if that's possible) and knowing that Derek will soon look up to Liam as a role model makes my love for Derek even stronger.   

So, if you're pregnant with a second child and worry about how much you will love them, don't.  Your two babies will be the most special two babies you have ever met and, though you may not take QUITE as many pictures or may not send out a mass e-mail the first time the baby passes gas, you WILL love them both equally.  If every second isn't quite as breathtaking, please don't feel guilty and try and remember that being second child has all kinds of benefits that being first does not!

Only moms...

I have said many times that becoming a parent grants you membership to a crazy,fun and sometimes very bizarre club where poop on your shirt is hardly cause for concern and you and your spouse often eat dinner "in shifts."  The membership dues are free time and sleep which you pay daily and everyone in the club is in for life.  If you are a member of this organization you know that there are some things that only other parents understand. 

I am pretty sure that only moms....

... always try to park near a cart return at the grocery store so that they don't have to lug kids back and forth or leave kids in the car to go return your cart.

... eat soggy Cheerios and wet cheese out of sticky little fingers and smiles about it. You know how much joy  it brings the baby to feed you.  How could you deny them that?

... know that they can only run one or two errands per day and have to plan their life accordingly.  Gone are the days of running from place to place with no plan.

... have poop, vomit or urine on their shirt and forget all about it AND go out in public.

... volunteer happily to run an errand across town during rush hour just to get out of the house, in the car, ALONE.  Traffic almost sounds appealing as it might prolong your alone time with the radio.

... consider it a vacation to go a day without watching a single animated television program.

... have a specific time of day (whatever time that the kids nap) which they look forward to all day and around which they plan their entire daily schedule.  Lunch, dinner, errands, chores, EVERYTHING revolves around this time of day. 

... utter the phrase, "Did you poop?" about a dozen times per day.

... pick another person's nose without a thought.

... can't finish one quick blog post without stopping repeatedly to change a diaper, make a bottle, console a toddler who banged their head and clean up vomit.


There are probably hundreds more BUT it's time to get ready for nap and, in this household NOTHING is more important or more sacred than nap time... so add your own.  I am sure I would get a kick out of what others had to say!

Confessional # 9: Derek's Here!

Derek is here and life is CRAZY!  I apologize for the lengthy time lapse between posts but I won't promise that that will change very soon.  I am being kept busy with these two baby boys!  But, at the moment, Liam is eating the remainder of his dinner in his high chair and I (should) have about 30 minutes until Derek's next feeding so, quickly!, some confessions!

1.  Liam, Derek and I have all been wearing our jammies all day!  As a matter of fact, since Derek has been born I think I have actually put  real clothes on three whole times.  Once for Derek's newborn photos and twice to go grocery shopping.  I have put make up on ONE time - for the photo shoot.  Basically, I am a mess 24/7. 

2.  Liam has started saying a word/make a noise that sounds suspicially like a curse word.  Luckily no one but Daniel and I would ever identify it as anything but a random noise.  I swear I don't think he learned it from us because it's not even one of our favorite curse words!  : )

3. Our dog Mieke eats about a quarter of all of Liam's meals.  He loves to throw her food and eventhough I wish he wouldn't hurl food from his high chair (and I don't like how much she stands at begs at his feet now) it is very cute to watch him feed her and she enjoys  it as well. 

 This was a quickie but, hey!, I managed to get something written.  I can hear Derek over his monitor starting to toss and turn.  Time to get ready for a feeding!

Confessional # 8 - The "Waiting on Derek" Edition

As I wait on this second miraculous boy to join our family, I confess: I am getting a little silly, crazy, irrational and nutty...


1.  I don't know if this qualifies as a confession but, if you know me, you know why this is embarrassing and funny.  After I read online that dancing can bring on labor, Liam and I have had multiple "Dance Derek Out Parties".  The image of my 9 month pregnant self dancing around the living room in my PJ's is hysterical, especially since I can't dance when I am not pregnant.  We made a video but that will be for family only viewing as it is both hilarious and a little bit grotesque.  It's been a lot of fun even if it doesn't help get Derek out.  (Silly)

2.  My current worst fear is that I will go into labor suddenly in the middle of the night, my sister in law will have to rush over to sit with Liam and the house will be messy.  Thus, every night before bed I straighten everything up.  I don't want to leave dishes in the sink and I feel the need to sweep.  This is ridiculous because she would not care at all and I know I, personally, would have much bigger fish to fry but I still feel the need to do it every night.  (Crazy)

3.  I find myself almost crying every day at least once imagining being in the hospital with Derek and being away from Liam for a few days.  I literally can't stand the thought.  He is the most easy, adjustable, flexible kid and he will be in great hands, of course, but I just find myself emotionally overcome thinking about him being away from both of his parents for an extended period of time and worry that he will think he has been replaced by Derek.  : (  (Irrational)

4.  I was induced with Liam and never went into labor on my own so I keep worrying that I won't know that I am in labor and I Google the signs of labor over and over.  I know everyone says "You'll know.." but my personality is such that I want someone to explain to me EXACTLY what will happen in what order so I can know within, say, 5 minutes of labor beginning that I am, indeed, in labor.  I can't stand the not knowing.  (Nutty)

What Makes a Good Mom?

Can anyone really answer this question?  I have pondered this question ever since Daniel and I started considering having kids.  What do good moms do?  What don't they do?  How does one become a good mom?  Are there really bad moms?  If so, what makes them bad?   After pondering and pondering, watching the moms around me, questioning myself, reading books, trying to be self-aware about my own mothering skills, I have come to the conclusion that there is no singular factor that makes you a good mom and the only people who are bad moms, in my opinion, are those that aren't trying (and, in my view, the vast majority of moms are trying).  So what I have decided is this - I need to take stock of the great moms and women in my life and see if I can take a little bit of each of them to try and be the best mom I can be.  Not a one of them is perfect and I am sure I wouldn't do EVERYTHING any of them did or do with their kids BUT I admire them and I want to learn from them.  This is by no means a list of all of the great moms I know.  This is just a list of the ones that i am closest to and the ones who have served as role models for me in some way.

My maternal grandmother, Ginger, is nurturing and giving of her time.  She has always lived far from me and she used to send me tapes of herself reading me books so I could listen to her as I read along to my Ramona books. She used to sew my Halloween costumes and mail them to me. She makes beautiful blankets, clothes and other handmade things for my sons just as she did for me.      She taught me that it's the little things, the gestures of love, the time taken, that children remember and that matter in the long run. 

The biggest lesson that I learned from my paternal grandmother, Pat, was that your children are always your children; always your babies.  You should love them as such their entire lives.  When my father was dying her love for her son was beautiful.  He was 50 something but to her he was a child, a baby, and as she told stories of him as a child it was clear that she remembered him almost exclusively as a young person.  I learned from her that a mother's role is to always hold her "babies" in her heart.  A person can only really remain a child in the eyes of their mother and father and it is important to have those people who will always see you as your most innocent and pure self.

My mother-in-law, Beverly, has shown me that when you love your children you must love ALL of them.  You must accept them fully.  Daniel is so honest with her and so himself in front of her and she loves him so unconditionally.  Everyone needs a mama who thinks they are great NO MATTER WHAT and Beverly really adores her son immensely.  Daniel is so certain of his mother's love and admiration that he never fakes anything with her.

My Aunt Judy is opinionated and smart.  She tells it as she sees it and she does so with love.  I know she probably drives her kids crazy with this at times but people always know she cares enough to tell you her opinion.   She loves you enough to make you mad.  She is generous in every way and never says things in a mean way.  I have learned from her that you have to love your family enough to tell them things they may not want to hear and that, if you have always shown them love, they may get mad, but they will always know that it comes from the heart.

My Aunt Cindy is funny and supportive and kind.  She will do anything to help the people she loves. She is an absolutely open-hearted kind person full of laughter and great advice.  She is great to talk to and always has something nice to say.  She cooks wonderful food, keeps a gorgeous home, says the kindest and most special things and loves others unconditionally.  I know from watching her with her kids, grandson, nieces and nephews that a mother's/grandmother's/aunt's home should be a soft place to land full of love and laughter.

My sister-in-laws, all 3 so different, have taught me that loving your kids is an art not a science and there is no right way to do it.  They are all so unique but each of them loves their kids in a very special way.  Since I met Daniel I have watched them raise their kids and learned lots from each of them.   I know, from knowing them and their kids, that all we can do is our best, whatever that may be.  The children they have raised, funny and smart and interesting as they all are, have shown me that kids will flourish when loved and nurtured and that it is not always as much the "how" or "what"  in raising your children as the "why."  As long as the "why" is because you love your kids and want what is best for them you are on the right track.

Finally, my mom was attentive to me as a child. She was always aware of me. She always cared what was going on in my life. She always knew my friends and she watched over me closely. What I take from her is that children not only need to be watched and looked after for their safety but so that they know someone cares.  It is important that they know they belong somewhere and with someone.  It is important that they know in a big, scary world there is a small corner which is theirs.  Growing up, I always knew that I was wanted and special.

I really believe that all the moms I know are good... because they are trying.  I really hope that I can take pieces of them all and be a great mom and a great friend (someday) to my sons.  I hope, most of all, that they know that I tried... really hard... For all of the mistakes that I may have made, I want them to be able to look back one day and say, "I know she loved us immensely and I know she busted her butt to be the best that she could be for us."  That way they'll be able to forgive me if I lose my temper with them or make the wrong choice or tell them a lie because, truthfully, those things are going to happen.

Confessional # 7

I have not written a blog post in FOREVER!  I apologize to all of my loyal fans and followers.  (That's a joke in case you couldn't tell.)
I figured we were due up for some confessions so here we go:

1.  I am in a very defeated, mopey, sad little mood today because I went to the O.B. and I am not dilated AT ALL and barely effaced.  I knew I shouldn't let myself get hopeful since I am only 36 and a half weeks and because I never dilated much with Liam... but I did get hopeful.  I didn't think I was having the baby today or anything but I just wanted to hear that I had made progress.  I am so tired of being pregnant and I feel like I am not spending enough "quality" time with Liam because I am too tired and achy to play and do the things I wish I could.  I am just over the whole pregnancy thing.  Sooo - in response to not getting my way - today I am not cleaning or doing housework or completing anything on my to do list and just moping and feeling sorry for myself.  Yes, this is childish,  but I am tired (really tired!) and unmotivated.
 
2.  Today at the doctor there was a toddler about Liam's age walking around and playing and exploring and his pregnant mom was chasing him around the waiting room.  I felt bad that I made Liam sit in his stroller and did not let him get out and play but my back was hurting and I didn't want to deal with the inevitable fit that would have ensued when it was time to get back into his stroller. In short,  apparently the other pregnant mama is a stronger woman than I am.  Oh well.

3.  My mail lady and I have a feud going on.  Can you believe that?  Sounds insane.  But it is true.  She hates me and I hate her.  She hates me so much that she ran over our garbage can last week and left a huge dent in it.  I will not bore with you the details.  It is, for the record, 100 % HER fault.

Sorry, wish I had more, maybe my funky little mood and my exhaustion are making it difficult for me to think.  I don't know.  I read once that you should blog every single day in order to keep in the rhythm and the practice of writing and I think that that is probably very true.  I will try and do a much better job of posting more!

Why, yes, I AM mom enough...

The recent Time cover article entitled "Are You Mom Enough?" is getting a lot of buzz... partially because there's a child, who looks like he may be off to college any day, pictured breastfeeding on the cover and partially because the article details the tenets of "Attachment Parenting" which is controversial and guilt-inducing for many parents.  I have seen TV specials and read other articles as well as seen some TV interviews with celebrities as well as with Dr. Sears ("the guy" as far as this stuff goes) about this style of parenting over the years so the ideas explained in Time didn't shock me.  I knew there was a group of people out there who really believed firmly in these parenting principles.  If you don't know what Attachment Parenting is it has to do with spending your entire life attached to your child.  You "wear" the baby (in a sling or backpack, etc.), sleep with the baby, breastfeed the baby until... well... seemingly indefinitely....and pretty much never, ever spend any time apart from your child.  As I mentioned, the "guru" of this whole thing is an old man named Dr. Sears who seems nice enough but who, honestly, kind of makes me angry with his theories which seem to say that parenthood should be all-encompassing and that it is selfish to think otherwise. (For instance: Never let a baby cry... ever.  They are ALWAYS crying for a reason.  You should always go to them immediately.)

People all over the place are discussing this article, this cover and what the title implies about parents (particularly moms, obviously) who don't practice this style of parenting.  The implication is pretty clear to me: ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH TO DEVOTE EVERY MILLISECOND OF YOUR LIFE TO YOUR BABY?  If not... well... be ready for the consequences...  As a stay at home mom I find the "attachment parenting" style completely unrealistic and, frankly, kind of horrible which, of course, makes me feel guilty.  I can't imagine what it makes working moms feel like (I am envisioning absolute nervous breakdowns).  So, in response to the idea that I am expected to do nothing but live, breathe and eat my kids (you know what I mean), I am a mom enough to admit the following things....

I am mom enough to admit that Liam has never spent one night in our bed with us.  This was obviously initially partly due to the SIDS risk and the pediatricians' firm warnings.  Now it is because it is OUR BED and OUR ROOM and the one place in this whole house which does not have ANY of his belongings in it and we like it that way.  At 8:00 at night Liam goes to bed in his room and we get to interact as two grown-ups.  I don't want him in our bed.  Derek will be sleeping all by himself as well. Thankyouverymuch.

I am mom enough to say that Liam only got about 3 weeks worth of breast milk.  He didn't latch on... ever... not once... so I pumped constantly at all hours of the night and day trying to store up a supply for him and I was never, ever able to really produce enough breastmilk so, at about a month old, he went to straight formula.  It was an intense source of guilt at the time but he seems to be doing OK at 14 months old.  He is very bonded to myself and his father and is healthy as an ox.  I think breastfeeding is great but, jeez people, you make a woman feel like a total failure if it just doesn't work out.  Oh, and just for the record, had he latched right on I am pretty sure he would have only breastfed for a year at the absolute most.  I don't care what you say, I am not breastfeeding a 3 year old.  I will try again with Derek but, ultimately, will not give myself heart problems over the whole thing.

I am mom enough to admit that Liam is playing independently on the floor as I type this.  He is not strapped to my back peering over my shoulder at the computer like a little pet monkey.  He is entertaining himself. 

I am mom enough to admit that I love doing stuff without Liam.. like grocery shopping, going out to eat, going to the doctor's office... and the list goes on.  I don't want him with me every second of every single day.  I like him an awful lot and we are buddies but, every now and then, some alone time is pretty great.  In fact, I wish I had more of it.  You want to come babysit my kid?

I am mom enough to admit that, at this point in my pregnancy with Derek, my back hurts so much and so often that I actively  try NOT to carry Liam whenever possible. I think I would rather sit on a bed of nails than carry him in a carrier all day. 

I am mom enought to admit that Liam was sleep trained by "crying it out" and Derek will be too.  I am not going to pretend to like hearing a baby cry from his crib but I DO like that my son goes to bed by himself at the same time every night.

I am mom enough to admit that I worry constantly that I am doing the wrong thing and that my sons will pay for it in the end so I don't need some old gray-haired pediatrician (however well-meaning he may be) pushing guilt-inducing and, in my opinion, unrealistic ideas about parenting and motherhood down my throat. 

I am mom enough to say that I will love my children to the end of the world and back and that they will always be incredibly important to their father and I but they cannot and will not be the only thing I think about, my ONLY priority and my ONLY reason for existence... and I will not be holding them and cuddling them every second of their childhood.  I am willing to run the risk that this will turn them into serial killers.

As a mom, I am enough... I am doing enough, trying enough, working hard enough and putting in enough hours.  I am doing the absolutely best that I can and, if it doesn't seem like enough based on some ideal outlined in a magazine then oh freaking well.  And I mean that. 

If you're a mom out there worrying about the  things that this article says please give yourself a late Mother's Day present and forget you ever read it or heard about it and continue to do your best.  

Top 8 Things I am Looking Forward to POST-pregnancy

I have made no secret of my hatred of being pregnant.  I really, really am not one of those happy, cute pregnant girls.  I am cranky and achy and feel sorry for myself.  In that (negative, I know) spirit, here is a list of things I am DYING to do/eat/enjoy/drink/have once my precious boy is here.  Though it seems like complaining (and, is complaining, honestly), it is my way of looking for the light at the end of the tunnel which makes me feel more positive!

In no particular order:

1.  Sleep!!! Holy Moly!  I want to sleep.  I don't even care if I have to get up every 2 hours with the baby as long as I can sleep comfortably without an aching back and legs for the two hours I do sleep.

2.  Rare meat and raw fish!!!  Steak and sushi, please... and raw oysters... and ahi tuna... and... oh I could go on and on... Yummmm...

3.  Wine!  Man, I love wine.  I just love it and I miss it so.  I know this makes me sound like a bit of an alcoholic but I don't care.  I want to drink a huge glass of wine on my back deck with my husband!

4.  I can't wait to really be able to exercise again.  Even walking too much gives me a backache now and my legs ache and hurt just getting around Target.  I cannot wait to be able to really exercise... and, yes, get my body back!

5. Energy. I can't wait to shake this constant fatigue.  It would be so nice to be able to get through a day without feeling like I need a nap.  I know this may take a while... probably a few months until baby boy starts sleeping through the night... but I so look forward to the day that the boys sleep and I have the energy to DO something.

6.  I cannot wait to be able to reach my toes to paint them and shave my legs without looking like a bug turned over on its back. 

7.  Caffeine, please.  Don't get me wrong.  I drink a little caffeine now but I am a caffeine addict and want to drink copious amounts again!!!  : )

8.  I think the thing I am looking forward to the very most is having an itty bitty baby around again.  I never could have imagined how quickly Liam would stop wanting/needing to sleep in my arms or would become so stubborn and strong-willed.  He became a toddler too quickly.   I know Derek will too but at least I get to do the "baby" thing again for a little while.

Confessional # 6

Liam has grown from a  baby to a toddler and has become more strong willed and stubborn and smart... which also makes him exhausting, trying and A LOT OF FUN!  Here are some confessions about my TODDLER boy!

1.  Liam almost always has a scratch, bruise or bump somewhere on his body of which neither I nor Daniel can tell you the origin. Although it would seem as though we must leave him unattended all day, I promise we don't.  He is such a boy... wild and full of energy and he is constantly slamming himself into things or slamming things into himself.   Sometimes when he is playing in his playpen he reminds me of a caged ape... he just starts throwing toys and shrieking and rolling around and shaking the whole pen.  He is not mad.  He is having great fun.  It is absolutely hysterical.  I assume that many of his bruises come from these types of little "fits."

2.  He is a beggar.  He has become absolutely terrible about trying to take our food and drinks right out of our hands or reaching onto our plates to grab a piece of something.  He also comes up and stares when we are trying to eat.  He particularly begs for ice cream, Cheez-its and anything in a "big person cup" or soda can.  We usually give in and give him a little something.  I know it is a bad habit (and probably is teaching him TERRIBLE manners) but it is also pretty cute. 

3.  He has also started smacking people (sometimes when he is annoyed or not getting his way, but also just because he seems to think it is funny) and Daniel and I have not been able to figure out how to get him to stop.   Another bad habit... oh my...

4. He loves to hear stories... which is great... but he likes to hear the same 2 or 3 stories OVER and OVER (as stated above he is stubborn and when he doesn't care to hear a story because it is not one of his personal favorites he makes it well known) and sometimes I just can't read them AGAIN so we don't read. I know that it is probably not great that I cancel reading time in favor of watching cartoons or letting him tear apart his room but "No, David!", "Bubbles Bubbles" and "Mealtime Fun" are just getting OLD. : (

Such a little busy body...

Too cool for mama...

Scratch on his nose... who knows where it came from? Oh well...

I did not get the ice cream out for this little guy but he managed to weasel some out of me anyway. 

The N.C. Marriage Amendment... What This Means for My Sons

Let me begin by saying that I am not deeply spiritual and definitely not religious but I don't have even the slightest problem with organized religion.  Let's face it, life is tough and I am in favor of anything that brings people peace, creates unity and gives people a sense of purpose.  Christianity, as well as most of the world's religions, is based on principles that I can really get behind - love one another, treat others as you would like to be treated - good, solid stuff.  Who can argue against those ideals?  The problem arises, for me, when people start to warp their religion's basic tenants into something ugly, judgmental and unkind.  Much evil has been done in the name of someone's "God" (abortion clinic bombings, murderous rampages, 9/11, The Crusades, the horrible things that Warren Jeffs was doing in Texas... the list goes on).  It's easy to do terrible things in the name of your religion when you start deciding for yourself what God's intentions are and then believing that it is your job to carry out his will.  I really believe that discrimination against homosexuals is one of those evils being carried out in God's name.

The truth of the matter is that God has no place in politics.  One of the most basic tenants of our American government is the separation of church and state which means we have NO official religion and should never base our laws on religious doctrine.  One of the most basic tenants of Christianity is that humans, inherently flawed as they are, have no right to judge one another... that's God's job.  So, the way I see it, this amendment flies in the face of what America is supposed to stand for AND it flies in the face of what Christians are supposed to believe. 

Gay marriage is a civil rights issue.  Telling two gay people they can't marry is no different than the oppression of African Americans that is such a black mark on our country's history.  It doesn't matter what you believe about homosexuality or gay people.  As American citizens, they should be afforded the same rights as anyone else.  If you're Christian then it has to do with treating people as you would like to be treated.  How would you like it if someone told you that your relationship, as loving and committed as it may be, was not worthy of acknowledgment?  That it was perverse and wrong?  That it was a threat to children?  To imply that gay people (merely by existing and committing to one another) are a threat to children is possibly one of the most horrible insults I can imagine.  Whether it's explicitly stated the implication is that gay people are proverbial lepers (people, by the way, that Jesus hung out with quite a bit, as you may recall).

If this amendment gets passed, what does this mean for my sons?  Well, for one, it means that if they are gay they will NOT be treated as equal citizens.  But if they are straight it means that my sons will grow up in a place and time where our society still believes it is OK to systematically and overtly discriminate against entire groups of people.  I am very proud to be an American and would certainly never want to live anywhere else but I think Americans can do better than this. I really do.  I think this country is based on much better values and that most Americans are well-meaning and generally good.  So let's make this a better place for my kids (and yours).  Please. 

A Letter for Daniel's Next Wife

Daniel and I saw a letter on a local radio show's website in which one of the DJs' wives wrote a letter to the next woman in her husband's life.  We thought it was funny so I figured I would write one about my dear, special husband.  No, we are not actually getting a divorce.  We're in this thing for the long haul... no worries.  This is just for fun.

Next Woman,

Well you have found yourself, whether it be due to my death or divorce, in the position of marrying my husband and I assume, never having met you, that you are a pretty strong lady as he can be a particularly trying man at times.  That being said, here are a few pointers to help you out when you are wondering if you got yourself in over your head. 

1.  If you send Daniel to the grocery store for one item he will return with ten.  Most of the items will be totally useless such as shoe cleaner or other random items that hang from the hooks in the aisles.  However, he will probably bring you home something he thought you would like as well.  He is sweet that way.

2.  As you may have guessed from number 1, Daniel is impulsive.  He often acts before he thinks and sometimes never stops to think at all.  It will be your responsibility to remind him that the thing he is "jumping in the car" to do should or could wait until tomorrow.   He has things over night shipped and then doesn't even unwrap them for a few weeks.  He never wants to talk about plans for things more than a week in advance. He sometimes randomly gets up from the couch, gets dressed and gets his keys at 9 pm with no explanation.  The plus side? He also acts in this "spur of the moment" way about chores.  He will just suddenly hop up and fix the sink you have been asking him to fix for months.  This will seem odd but I have learned to just go with it... the sink is getting fixed.  I am a list person and highly organized and if you are with him then chances are you are too and he will drive you crazy with his lack of planning but he's a pretty good guy so give him a break.

3.  He sometimes, usually between the hours of 8 and 9 pm, gets these surges of energy and starts to act more like a 9 year old boy than a grown man.  He wants to wrestle, he starts to sing and dance around and just gets LOUD.  I have tried to fight it (and still do sometimes) but it is really best to allow him to get it out of his system.  It gets worse the more you try to stop it. 

4.  His favorite books are books of anecdotal short stories... like the ones written by David Sedaris (awesome!)  or Tucker Max (ew!).  He also really likes books about sports teams he loves and books with a fantasy element.  If you buy him any other type of book he will more than likely not read it.  What's very endearing is that he will TRY to read it and even leave it in the bathroom for especially long trips (if you know what I mean) but it will eventually find its way to the bookcase unread with the exception of the first five pages. 

5.  Daniel is, perhaps, the single most hard-working person I have ever met.  He is very devoted to his job and takes his role as a provider for his family very seriously.  His job can be very stressful and you will learn to know when something is wrong at work.  You will have to learn to read the signs because he won't ever tell you.  When he's stressed it is best to leave him alone for a little while and let him decompress.  SOMETIMES (very rarely) if you do that he will volunteer the stressful information to you later but usually he will just decompress on his own.  Make him a drink and feed him dinner.  That's usually the key to his heart.

6.   Daniel is never going to grow up.  Accept that fact early and you will be fine.  He will always make crude jokes, say inappropriate things and accept ludicrous dares from his friends (i.e."Hit yourself in the back with an electrical cord as hard as you can!"). He is a tamer version of the Jackass guys in a lot of ways but he is able to be mature when it matters and is a fantastic father and husband, utterly devoted to his family as well as a very loyal friend.  So, like I said, don't ever expect him to act like a grown man.  You will be lucky to get him in a collared shirt. 

These pictures are evidence of what I am talking about:

.... as matter of fact, one of his favorite hobbies is trying to ruin otherwise cute pictures. 

7.  He never does things the first time he is asked.  Ever.  Period.  There is nothing else to say on that topic.  Hone your nagging skills.

8. He is the best husband ever and you will never ever get him away from me so BACK OFF!

 

Confessional # 5

People seem to really enjoy these.  I guess they give people a giggle and perhaps also a sense of relief that they aren't as bad off as they may have thought. Sooo here's Confessional # 5:

1.  We JUST got Derek's nursery cleared out of the old guest furniture and it is still basically a junk room (albeit more organized because I used yesterday as Thursdays are my organization day to throw away things and sort the stuff that was left into piles) and I would never let anyone go in there.  We have 2 months to get our stuff together and I have full confidence that we will but my OCD is really nagging at me about it.  I mean, come on, I have a "Thursday organization day," how can can that room not be haunting my dreams?


2.  Although we have been warned about the dangers of saying, "No!" too much (as it will lose its meaning), Liam has really started to respond to it and I personally say "No!" like crazy.  It works and I'm sorry but with our limited communication capabilities I will currently take anything I can get especially if it will keep the baby from pulling the bookcase down on himself or licking the litter box.

3.  At this point I need a nap every day as much as Liam does.  I literally cannot function without that two hours.  A lot of days I don't sleep but I lay in bed and either watch TV, read or just relax with my eyes closed.  The days that I miss my nap/rest time for whatever reason are pretty bad.  I think I am probably worse off than the baby would be.  I know that in a few months when Derek gets here they will NEVER nap at the same time (ever) so for last few months or so I have been taking full advantage of my pregnancy induced nap time.

4. My weight is so astronomical at this point that I can't even believe that I can really weigh that much. The number just sounds like the weight of a house... or a car...  or a whale. I had never lost all of my weight with Liam (I was just getting close) and then I got pregnant again and now... just wow... the number is appalling.  Many people have assured me that I don't look like I weigh that much and that may or may not be true but it is still a really horrifying number which I will NOT be confessing here... but, just know, it's really bad.

Dear Liam and Derek...

I was watching The View the other day and they were debating whether or not to "pump" your kids up with compliments.  They were discussing their opinions on whether that really prepares them for the world where not everyone will think they are so wonderful.  Whoopi Goldberg made the comment (paraphrasing, here) that her mother always instilled in her the fact that as her mother she thought she was beautiful and fantastic, though not everyone would, but SOME others would... and that that was OK.  This really resonated with me.  I think that is the best preparation that children could possibly have - to know that their parents love them unconditionally, though not everyone will... and, mostly, that that is OK.  That's what I want my sons to know... so here is my love letter to my precious boys.

Dear Liam and Derek,
    You two are the two greatest gifts that your father and I could have ever received.  To be your parents is a privilege and a joy.  If you should ever not feel good enough or scared or lonely, know this, my dears:  Your father and I adore you.  We think you are wonderful and perfect.  You may not grow to the be the most athletic boys in your classes.  You might be chubby or have pimples some day.  All of the girls might not have crushes on you (though I can't imagine it) and people may pick on you (and this will make me contemplate murder, I am sure).  That is the unfortunate truth of life.  Everyone will not adore you quite as much as we do... as a matter of fact, they may not like you much at all and they might go out of their way to make you feel less than what you are.  Listen to me, YOU are perfect.  I don't care if you're a jock or a nerd.  I love you whether you are straight or gay. It doesn't matter to me if you are shy or outgoing.  There is nothing you can do or be that can ever, EVER change how much I love you, how precious you are to me and how beautiful you are in my eyes.   Pay no mind to those who do not see what I see.  Be kind when you can, defend yourself if you have to but, mostly, ignore them.  It is not important that everyone see how beautiful you are - inside and out.  You should let only those that deserve you see the best parts of you.  If they are blinded and cannot appreciate you then that's OK.  There will be others who will... your mommy and daddy will have been the first of them and we will never stop.     

Love always, always, ALWAYS,

Mommy



The Truth About the First Few Months of Parenthood, Part 2

My next installment of the TRUTH... the good, the bad and the ugly of parenting a newborn. 

Your baby will be a great source of joy and you will love them immensely but there will be times (especially at 3 a.m.) that you wish that they would just take care of themselves for 30 minutes so you can do what you want... namely, sleep. You will feel like everything revolves around the baby.. because, well, it does. That is exhausting and you are not a bad person if you don't love every minute of it. It is natural to want to care for your child and to love it but it is NOT natural to be up at 3 am breastfeeding, pumping or warming up bottles, changing diapers and soothing a screaming little person... that's naturally SLEEP time. Fortunately, this is short-lived so just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel... it's coming. The baby WILL sleep. I promise.

Here's proof:



 A quick word of advice:  Let the baby cry it out.  Not at 3 months old and not even at 4 but by 6 or 7 months they are developmentally ready to cry it out and go to sleep at night.  It is painful at first but absolutely sanity saving in the long run.  Liam started sleeping through the night at about 3 or 4 months but would go to sleep at a different time every night and would have to be held until he fell asleep.  Sometimes he was in bed at 8.  Sometimes it was 11.  We let this go on entirely too long.  He was 9 or 10 months old before we started putting him down at the same time every night, whether he was awake or asleep, and letting him cry.  It was terrible at first and we made a time limit of 30 minutes.  If he cried for longer than 30 minutes we would check on him.  You know what?  From the very first night he never made it 30 minutes and gradually the crying spells dwindled down to a few minutes of mild fussing.  Now, at almost 13 months, he sometimes cries and sometimes just talks to his stuffed animals (or himself) but he is almost always quiet within 5 minutes.   Our lives are soooooooooo much easier and he is on a great schedule and a great routine which helps him feel safe and secure.  We do the same things every night and he has the same 3 soft toys in his crib with the same music and lights.  As a matter of fact, we got him a new night light about a month ago and it had to be taken out of his room because it disrupted his routine and he stayed up staring at it.  Point being, the BEST thing for a baby is a routine and you are not cruel or unloving to create one and stick to it.  That's what parenting is all about.  That's just my opinion.  There are A LOT of people out there who disagree with me and that is OK too but, if you are at your wit's end, then there's a good chance your baby is too... right?

Your life will revolve around baby during the daytime too.  But we can talk about that in a later post. I don't want to overwhelm you with all of this "truth."     

Confessional # 4

You know the drill by now.  Read, laugh, gasp, nod,  shake your head but don't you judge me!  : )

1.  At 1 pm Liam is still in his jammies.  I do not plan on dressing him.  Not one bit.  He is going to wear his jammies allllll day... and so am I.  He might even wear the same jammies to bed tonight!  (No... no... that would be too much... he'll get a fresh pair.  I promise.  LOL)

2.  I have become a little bit obsessed with The Pioneer Woman's blog/website.  I think she is awesome and I love her posts and I secretly fantasize that my blog will grow in popularity as much as hers has and I will start writing cookbooks (eventhough I am yet to post a recipe on here) and appearing on talk shows.  She is like a rock star of the "mommy blog" set.  http://thepioneerwoman.com/ - check her out.

3.  I always say I hate being pregnant... which I do... but there is one awesome thing that happens when I get pregnant... I get gorgeous nails. I love them.  They are long and strong and the tips are so white they look like a french manicure.  I confess... I love my "pregnancy nails" but you should still very sorry for me and listen to me whine incessantly!

4.  I love Pinterest so much.  It's like crack to me.  I am utterly obsessed.  I do actually use a lot of the pins I find... like recipes and organizational ideas but I also pin tons of things that I know are totally pointless; recipes I will never cook, crafts I will DEFINITELY never make (I am decidedly UNcrafty), decorating ideas that would only be suitable for a home 4 times the size of mine and clothes that I would never wear in real life.  I don't know why but I just can't resist pinning them.  It's almost like internet hoarding.  "This MIGHT come in handy someday so I MUST have it!" (eventhough when it were to come time to use the idea I would never remember that I had it pinned on one of my boards.)  Wow, that's actually exactly like hoarding. 

5.  I am really cheap.  If you know me, you know how cheap I am.  I like to call it "thrifty" but it's "cheap" and I am just going to own that from now on.  I am cheap.  I like to use coupons, find the best deal on everything, hate paying full price for things and getting a good deal is a high to me. I am cheap, cheap, cheap... and I believe wholeheartedly that my family and I have a better quality of life and nicer things because of that fact.  I don't waste money so we end up with extra and I get nice things for the price of lower quality products because I know how to stretch a dollar.  We aren't rich and I don't see any point in pretending that we are or trying to live outside of our means.
 (caveat:  I am not cheap when it comes to others.  I tip well, buy nice gifts and never conveniently "forget" my wallet at lunch.  That's a whole other kind of cheap and, for me, that is unacceptable.)

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The Truth About The First Few Months of Parenthood, Part 1

I have heard many new moms (a few weeks into parenthood) say, "Why didn't anyone tell me it would be this way? Why does everyone act like it's so magical?" I have seen Facebook posts and had conversations and a lot of people feel a bit tricked in regard to the whole thing.  Those are only the ones who even have the guts to say anything.  A lot more, I am sure, are feeling that way and think they are the only one. So, here's the truth (as I see it) about the first 3 months or so of parenthood.   Now that I have made it past the one year mark I can say with confidence that it DOES get easier but I am going to devote a few posts to the TRUTH about the HUGELY transitional and mildy terrifying time in your life when suddenly someone hands you a tiny newborn PERSON and says, "OK, raise it!"  If you're pregnant, don't be scared, just consider yourself a little bit more prepared.  If you're a new mom I hope you take some solace in knowing that others feel the way you may be feeling.  If your a more "seasoned" (for the record, I do not count myself in this category as I am still more than slightly terrified of messing these boys up) mom this might just make you nod your head a little. 

Truth # 1:  The first month or so after giving birth is a weird transitional period and women feel unattractive and fat.  You are in pain for a while.  Your body still looks pregnant.  Your body is making some funky (and sometimes a little "gross") adjustments while getting used to baby being out of the belly. You can't have sex.  You can't exercise.  Even if you wanted to have sex or exercise you are exhausted and have no energy for physical activity. You probably aren't getting dressed or putting on make-up or even showering.   For all of those reasons, you feel decidedly "unsexy."   Feeling completely "unsexy" for most women is a terribly depressing feeling.  Then, there's the notion that now that your mom you shouldn't even care about being sexy anymore.  Just for the record, it is OK to still want to feel sexy as a mom.  It can be difficult to adjust to the idea that being a mom does not make you any less of a woman... a woman who still likes to shave her legs and wear eyeliner, a woman who still likes to wear attractive clothes. This was a tough one for me and it took me probably about 3 or 4 months after Liam was born to start to feel like an attractive person again.  (Then, of course, when Liam was about 7 months old I found out I was pregnant again.  Now I sometimes wonder if I will ever get to be a "normal" woman ever again.)  This is also very tough for partners because they want to make you feel attractive (I think for most men that is an important aspect of their idea of what makes a "good husband") and they may feel like failures when they can't.  Also, let's be honest you in sweats with your hair in a messy pony tail is an adjustment for them too.  They are going to miss you in cute jeans (or even a DRESS!) and make up. That's natural.  So it's a weird time for both parents and a woman's self-esteem can suffer.  If you're feeling a little frumpy and fat, have faith, it'll get better and, don't worry, you are not alone.

Newborn Liam and I napping... This incredibly unflattering picture is such a wonderful memory.

My little family when Liam was 3 months old... notice the rolliness of the tummy and the extra "chestiness" as well as the cheeks... I still did not really feel like myself and I kind of hated these pictures but I am soooo glad we took them. 

My point is make sure and let people take pictures of you and your baby.  Don't be embarrassed of your body or your unwashed hair or the fact that you are not wearing make up and end up stuck behind the camera because, someday, you will wish you had pictures of you and your tiny one because, despite my best efforts, it has become clear that they don't stay tiny.

I am going to continue to post more "truths" over the next week or so.  I am, by no means, an expert, but I am a person who has been through it and it is NOT my goal to speak for ALL moms.  It is my goal to speak for myself and to, hopefully, let some others out there know that they are not bad people or bad moms for feeling a little less than "magical" every day.

Oh and join my site! I know lots of people are reading and I want to know who!  It's super-easy to do.  Click the blue button.  It'll make me smile. : )